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"fractured moonlight" series revision commentary

"moondance"
word count, pre-edit: 4,377
word count, post-edit: 4,404

currently listening to: "moondance" - jeon woong

ah yes, "moondance"... the first piece of pirate au i ever wrote! got a hankering for it one december night last year and uh....... wrote it! go me! lol

so this prequel is set 5 years after "blood red breeze" and 3 years after "oceans to part" (which i'll be working on later!) and sets up some of seungcheol's and jeonghan's backstories. at this point, seungcheol is a lieutenant in the joseon navy and jeonghan is the fearsome "scourge of joseon" (soonyoung came up with the title and jeonghan loved it so). historically, at this point in time, the taiping rebellion has been going on for about three years, flooding ports like shanghai and ningpo (where this fic takes place) with refugees (it hasn't been mentioned yet but junhui has been personally making sure the refugees are being fed and clothed and housed as best as can be). meanwhile, overseas, joseon has been a tributary state of qing for just over 200 years. every so often, joseon officials send a tributary shipment to qing officials... and that is what seungcheol and his squad are tasked with doing.

• ☾ •

[This is technically a free port (as free as a port can be nestled this deep into Qing lands) but they’re far enough away from Joseon that he can’t be too careful. Not when he’s heard the stories of the tributary runners that came before him. Not when this port is crawling with pirates.

“Keep an eye out,” his commanding officer had said before they departed, motioning to the wall of wanted posters behind him. And so Seungcheol had studied said wall, until he knew the faces and names of those terrible men by heart.

Captain Kim Hongjoong and his crew of - of boys, really. Cha Hakyeon and his band of naval defectors, wandering the seas loyal to a black flag, or so the rumors go. And of course, who could forget Captain Yoon Jeonghan? The most fearsome pirate to ever come out of Joseon, sailing under Wen Junhui’s colors. Of course, Wen Junhui is on the wall too, handsome features etched in an eternal smirk, but it’ll be much easier to capture one of his men. Or so Seungcheol hopes, since catching a pirate like Yoon Jeonghan will no doubt make him a captain of his own squad almost immediately. Perhaps more.

But that means he would have to find the man first, and Ningpo is a sprawling mess of a port.]

i'm just DYING at the thought of 22 year old ateez just wreaking havoc across the sea.... little tiny babies just kicking ass and taking names so much so that the joseon navy as a whole is like "hey watch out for those little kids" bro... anyway, seungcheol just walking around thinking about capturing a pirate........... sure bby

[Staring back at him is a smirk he knows so well, one he’s studied for days straight. He’s seen it staring him in the face, sunk onto yellowing parchment in thick black ink, countless times. Framed by big eyes that never seemed as mischievous as they are in person and a sharp, slender nose. Pieces of his golden hair have strayed from the braid the rest of it lays in, and they border his handsome face in a way that leaves Seungcheol rather breathless.

It is a handsome face he knows well.

“Yoon Jeonghan,” he manages in his shock.]

knowing that, the entire time, this is just a seduction ploy on jeonghan's part only makes it so much better. but i mean of course he's already In Love with seungcheol, who wouldn't he? he's almost Too himbo for his own good

[Yoon Jeonghan is here, sitting in this tavern, right in front of his face. Yoon Jeonghan ordered food for him. Yoon Jeonghan is smiling at him, the epitome of beauty, and Seungcheol doesn't know what to say, what to do. The soldier in him itches to arrest, to battle, but finds itself evenly matched by the curious part of him.

Wondering why, exactly, Yoon Jeonghan is speaking to him.]

of course, seungcheol is in love with jeonghan already too heh

[“What’s to stop me from arresting you anyway?”

“As if you would, lieutenant.” He turns towards his own bowl of tofu and takes a bite. Swallows it. The muscles in his slender throat work rather beautifully and Seungcheol finds himself unable to speak. Perhaps just the way Yoon Jeonghan wants. “You follow regulation to the letter, Choi Seungcheol, or so Junhui’s naval informants have told us. And with Qing-Joseon relations as shaky as they are right now, you wouldn’t dare break a single rule. Even in a port like Ningpo.”]

GOD-UH pirate jeonghan is so hot so hot so hot i love him. like he's so smart and dangerous and capable i'm -

[Despite his best judgment, he ends up agreeing - a drink sounds nice. As it turns out, this tavern has soju (or so Jeonghan informs him with a shine in his eyes that makes Seungcheol think he has something to do with it) and sometime later, Seungcheol finds himself rather tipsy. Sometime between the first bottle and the fourth, they moved to a table tucked in the back and now Seungcheol’s eyes are closed, blood thrumming through his body as Yoon Jeonghan kisses his neck.]

we love to see it

[“You don’t do this often, do you, lieutenant?” Jeonghan breathes against his ear, hand expertly skimming down Seungcheol’s chest.

“What makes you say that?” Then, around a breathless chuckle, “Or is that something your informants knew about, as well?”

Jeonghan laughs softly and nibbles his earlobe; it strikes a pang of desire through Seungcheol's body, like a bolt of lightning. Hot and quick and unforgiving. “I’m a lot smarter than the navy and the crown give me credit for. Your breath is coming quick, and all I’ve done is kiss you. My hands, even, have stayed at an appropriate level." And then his voice drops even lower, an enticing whisper right into Seungcheol's ear. "Even with your cock hardening the way it is."

Desperately, Seungcheol grasps for any semblance of dignity and sanity left in his mind but finds it all cast aside when he realizes that Yoon Jeonghan is thinking about his cock.

“You’re right,” he murmurs in a thin voice, wrapping an arm around Jeonghan's waist, keeping him close. “I’ve never kissed a pirate in a free port tavern before.”]

you've also never had sex before you fuckin virgin anyway yes you heard it here first, it's official, it's canon

[Seungcheol sighs and reaches up to tuck some strands of Jeonghan’s hair behind his ear, hoping the silky sensation imprints itself into his fingertips. “If I see your ship on our return - “

“Would you really shoot me down, lieutenant?” There’s a sultry bite to his voice that is hardly fair. “Or put me in chains?”

He tries to imagine it and comes up with the vision of Jeonghan naked in a bed, bound in cuffs and smirking up at him so divinely. It does things to him he wishes it wouldn’t, cock stirring in his pants as if he could get any harder. “Perhaps, if I didn’t think you’d enjoy it so much.”]

you know they've roleplayed before lmao (except i think sc got too sad at the thought of jh actually tied up/in trouble with the navy heh)

[“You’re back,” Jisoo says monotonously, focused on his work. “Thought you’d be gone all night.”

“Is that why you’ve taken up residence in my quarters?” He stops stripping when he reaches his underclothes and pretends like there isn’t a soft wet spot rubbing against the head of his dick.

Jisoo sighs but doesn’t look up from whatever he’s doing. As usual. “I had business to finish and Jihoon said he’d cut my right hand off if I continued working down in the crew’s quarters. So I came here. Besides,” he finally glances up, a tiredness to his features Jeonghan’s never found among other first mates, “you were supposed to be gone till morning.”]

lmao jisoo don't be fucking rude

[A snicker crosses Jisoo’s lips. “I can hardly believe it; the infamous Scourge of Joseon bested in a sexual battle by some twenty-four year old naval lieutenant?”

“Watch your mouth,” Jeonghan snaps, annoyance rising in him - but he’s not certain why. Is he upset that Seungcheol rejected him (not once but twice) or is his pride simply irritated by Jisoo’s words, and the insinuation? “Or I’ll drop you off in Fukuoka and leave you there for Nakamoto to deal with.”

“Who’ll keep your men in line, then? Soonyoung?”]

bro yuta would just leave him there 💀

so hmm all in all i didn't make many changes which is a good sign? i think? i mean, it's fun, it's sexy, what more could you want, right?

as always, thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed! <3

Current Mood: amused

"fractured moonlight" series revision commentary
"blood red breeze"

currently listening to: the untamed ost

well... i miss pirate au so much, i thought i'd try to get back into it by revising everything i've written so far! and you guys know that i LOVE talking about my works so i decided to toss all my ramblings into dw posts!

so!! let's get into it!

since this one is the first chronological work in the series i thought i'd give a bit of background as to why/how this series came about! feel free to skip it if you want, it's just gonna be A Lot of me talking about whatever lollll.

it all started in 2019 when i became an army and read "the songbird and the sea" by maia_archives. out of all the fics i've ever read, this has got to be one of my most favorites, ever. it reignited my love of the pirates of the caribbean film franchise (the first three ofc, 4 & 5 don't exist to me lmao) and inspired a pirate novel that i never got around to writing. but for a year and a half it sat, rent-free as the kids used to say, in my head... until cruel_cupid posted their (fucking!!! amazing!!!) fic "the eye of the wind". never had i entertained the thought of an svt pirate au but cruel_cupid's big brain opened up my eyes and showed me that not only was it possible, but it could also be so so GOOD. literally that same day, july 19th (i even checked my drive just to be sure lol) i created a folder entitled "fractured moonlight", a doc rightfully called "rambling", and began researching.

the title, "fractured moonlight", as you can tell, came to me early, early on. it's a lyric from one of my favorite florence + the machine songs, "never let me go", in which she sings "Looking up from underneath / Fractured moonlight on the sea / Reflections still look the same to me / As before I went under". idk, i guess i just thought the term "fractured moonlight" would work So Well for a title so i used it heh thank u, as always, florence welch.

i knew from the start that i didn't want to write pirates of the caribbean, so to speak; it's been done a million times. what i wanted, instead, was to write something as historically accurate as i could get, set in the south china sea. so, in my research, i discovered a battle that took place in 1855 off tai-o, hong kong (known back then as ty-ho) in which british and american naval forces came together to defeat chinese pirates. it was a decisive battle, in a place that was still affected deeply by piracy (at this point, piracy had been all but eradicated in the west due to british and american influence), and it eventually helped lead to the decline of piracy in eastern and southern asia. intrigued, i decided to use that as a plot point: british and american forces banding together to defeat pirates!svt.

as i generally tend to do (lmao), i threw myself into research and it seemed like the more i researched the more everything kinda fell into place. i learned about ching shih, a female pirate in the early 1800s, who commanded the largest pirate fleet in history, and modeled junhui after her... and pirate au was born!

(of course i also watched pirates of the caribbean a million times, especially the third one; jeongcheol have will and elizabeth vibes and that's all i'm gonna say about That.)

as i was doing some revisions i decided that i wanted to Rewrite "fractured moonlight" as a whole, with junhui's previously-dead brother litao as the main villain. so, "blood red breeze" was heavily changed. as such, this commentary is going to be exactly that: a commentary. just me reading through the new work and making notes, essentially. talking about the characters and the story!

"blood red breeze" is the first installment in the "fractured moonlight" series and details junhui's rise to power. the title comes from "asura" by ravi, chillin homie, xydo, and cold bay, which is also on the fm playlist!

• ☾ •

so one of the first things i'm reminded of when i start reading is that junhui has uh problems with authority. he gets it partially from his father but also from just being an intelligent person. at this point is history, the taiping rebellion (the bloodiest civil war in world history) is two years away but tensions are still high. the first opium war, in which british forces managed to essentially lay claim to isolated-from-outsiders qing ports (and what an embarrassing defeat That was), happened a mere six years ago. and throughout the qing dynasty's history, there was plenty of unrest. and the son of a wealthy, successful pirate would hold no love for the government. especially when said government was failing the people around him, people he cared about. and we first see these feelings in the fact that junhui refuses to style his hair the way he should be doing.

the queue hairstyle, or braid, that the qing government forced on its male subjects was considered by many to be a symbol of oppression and i decided that junhui wouldn't have one. his character is not han chinese, like most rebels who refused to wear their hair in the queue (historically, the han chinese opted not to cut their hair for cultural and philosophical reasons and were then forced, often violently, to shave their foreheads and adhere to the queue by qing officials) but for him, it's about freedom. about being who he wants to be, not letting anyone else dictate anything about him. actually, pretty much everything he does is about freedom. like a pirate!!

[“I’m here,” he says in the man’s defiance-induced silence, “because I need to speak with someone who can deliver a message to… those in charge.”

The man huffs quietly, eyes still raking over Junhui’s appearance. “I see. Regarding?”

“Wen Zhitao,” he says and the man’s face rather humorously pales, as expected, really, “the Pirate Lord of the East Seas. I know where he is and I am willing to divulge said information, for a price.”

Pausing, the man meets Junhui's eyes. He’s thinking. And Junhui is willing to give him all the time he needs; he’ll come to the right decision, eventually. “And how do I know said information is to be trusted?”

“Because…” He glances out the window, past the sunlight pouring through, out to the sea. From here, atop a small hill, the ocean glitters a bright, blinding blue. Junhui stares for a moment that lasts as long as a breath and then he looks back at the man without an ounce of regret. He, too, has made the right decision. “I’m his son.”]

hh okay so when i first wrote this, junhui's father was already dead, killed in battle during the first opium war, and junhui was planning on having his brother killed, while still haunted, metaphorically, by the ghost of his father. but i like this better for so many reasons because now we get to see junhui dealing directly with his father and with his feelings for him. he hates his father, not because he's a pirate but because he abandoned junhui. because he's a coward. because, eventually, he's corrupt. because, no matter how old junhui grows to be, he will always resent his father for choosing someone else over him. it's something i used to struggle with too and to give that burden to junhui, to maybe see him overcome it in the main au, eventually... well it's been cathartic.

his brother's name, "litao" [黎涛], literally means "great black waves" and the reason i chose such a name for junhui's brother is because he's the main villain now. in this fic, it says he's dead but spoiler alert heh, he's not. and we'll learn that later on. i cannot WAIT for the brother-on-brother angst, it's gonna be so funnnnnn.

GOD another thing i love about this fic......... YANAN. what a TREAT it's been to write him in this au!! i was a carat before i became a universe and i knew about yanan first through junhui and then to become a fan of pentagon too and get to know him from that.... !!

in this fic, i chose to highlight junhui's confidence and yanan's levelheadedness. i know irl they are both so much more than that but it was important to me to balance them like this, to show how well they work together. and to uhhhh maybe set up some foreshadowing [junhui's father was obsessed with power and keeping it and losing it and uhhhhhh guess who else is too heh]. they break up well before the events of the main fic but they still remain besties because.... well i mean yanan's been his bestie for half of his life bro :((((

[speaking of!! junhui is 15 when his mother dies and he meets his father for the first time. he's just barely twenty-three when he has his father killed. and he's 30 in the main fic.]

tbh okay so the end scene.... where junhui and the others straight up murder the icky corrupt commanders... okay so i struggled with keeping that in because i wasn't sure that it fit but like.... in this fic, we see how junhui starts. we see that he is willing to do whatever it takes to get his power, to keep it. and then when we catch up with him again in the main fic, he's tired. he doesn't Like the endless murder and violence and bloodshed that being a pirate constitutes but he does what he has to do. and it'll be interesting to see how that uhhh continues to develop as the main fic goes on...........................

but!!!! now i get to talk about something else fun heh - the other captains/commanders!!

so, the way the fleet is set up, junhui sits at the metaphorical top as leader/commander, right. then there are smaller fleets within the main one and those are headed by commanders, too. i haven't named the fleets yet except jeonghan heads the red flag fleet which is based out of hanseong (seoul). other commanders include song qian (victoria from fx!), nakamoto yuta (nct!), xiao zhan (who acted in the untamed, stfu i was Big into the untamed when i was first writing this), zhang yixing (lay from exo!), and zhou jieqiong (kyulkyung from pristin!). technically, junhui also has commanders based out of vietnam, the philippines, indonesia, and thailand, but i haven't named them yet.

jeonghan's crew is the one i've fleshed out the most, ofc! he's got some seventeeners with him (joshua, seungkwan, soonyoung, and jihoon) as well as the vixxes (who used to be joseon navymen until they tried to capture jh and it uhhhhh didn't work so now they're like hey the govt sucks being a pirate is fucking dope), nu'est, and victon (because it's my au i can do what i want!!!!!!). under his command, he has captain kim hongjoong (ateez!!).

yixing's crew is where the exos, the ncts, and probably the shinees are. i know junmyeon is exo's leader but yixing is one of my biases so he gets to be pirate commander lmaooo (this ties back to yixing being an avatar in my avatar au too lmaoo i blame the lit mv like bro have u SEEN it)

other than that............ i don't have the rest of the crews figured out lmao it'd take wayyyyyyy too long.

(i might write a johnten oneshot set in this au, as well as a sulay one, too... in which junmyeon is probably a captain under yixing's command and uh..... heh)

anyway you totally came here to listen to me ramble about the other characters lmaooo

i think though that's pretty much all i wanna say about "blood red breeze"! i really like this version so much more and GOD i really love pirate jun. he's so confident and sexy but he's also so!!!! hurt!!!! and dealing with so much stuff and i can't wait for all of that to come out in the main fic.... all of his lil character flaws god i love himmmmmmmmmmmm he's so cool you guys.

anyway i love this au and i am STOKED to keep going! thank you for reading if you made it this far heh, i love you guys! yo ho ho and all that~

Current Mood: determined

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Current Mood: determined

"catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
chapter three, part one

currently listening to: "adagio for strings and organ"
fic word count: 112,018

So we added about 1.5k to the entire fic in the last chapter alone; I'm excited to see what happens here!!

I'm not 100% certain where the chapter title, "lead me into temptation", comes from. Could be from song lyrics, could just be from my own Big Brain and the religiousness I went through as a child and young teen. Either way, I chose it because it fits perfectly, especially for the scene near the end of the chapter.

Once more, this one proved difficult to adapt from the musical. This is the pivotal "The Phantom of the Opera/The Music of the Night" chapter, wherein our hero meets and falls for the dangerous masked man that's been obsessed with him and the opera house for years. He gives into temptation, despite himself, and crosses a point of no return (heh). For those who know the musical, of course, "Music of the Night" is beautiful, full of haunting music and vivid lyrics... but to adapt it into a strictly visual medium was challenging. I chose to take the phrase "music of the night" and the rest of the more... pointed lyrics in a manner that's a bit more straightforward; instead of seducing Jeonghan with his voice and words, my Phantom seduces Jeonghan more explicitly, literally heh. It was a creative choice I was happy and excited to make for the angst and tension it would cause later on. Poor Jeonghan...

But before all of That (which will most likely be in part two of this chapter's commentary; I have work very soon hhh), we delve into Wonwoo's mind for the first time...

[Kwon Soonyoung was talking but Wonwoo wasn’t listening.]

I mean... what else is new, right?

[The man was glancing around like he was lost. Or looking for something. Peeking behind doors without missing a step and staring at every… blond person that walked by? Wonwoo smirked to himself, remembering the way Seungcheol had watched the performance. How he had seen Seungcheol, from his own vantage point on the catwalks, falling in love with Yoon Jeonghan. The way everyone else was.

Of course, he knew how this could complicate things. Quite easily, in fact, especially if Jeonghan found himself similarly charmed by the Vicomte.

Mingyu wouldn't like it.]

oh wonwoo, the things you know........

[Wonwoo sighed inwardly at the thought. Mingyu wasn’t fond of much, but if there was something he hated above all else it was anything that threatened his relationship with his precious Yoon Jeonghan. And if there was something he was indeed fond of, it was Yoon Jeonghan. Jeonghan was everything to him, and Wonwoo could only wonder how the night would unfold for the two of them. The last few weeks he’d had to listen to Mingyu’s constant plotting, constant blathering about how amazing Jeonghan would be in Seungkwan’s place onstage. Watching the way his eyes lit up as he spoke about the object of his obsession, about the plans he had for him.

Glancing over at the Vicomte again, Wonwoo suppressed a smirk. He’d wish the man luck but Mingyu, decidedly, would not approve.]

it's interesting that, at first, Wonwoo's almost rooting for Mingyu. I think such allegiance shows how bad he feels about what happened, early on. It kinda makes you think like "wow okay wonwoo wtf" (at least that's how I felt rereading it) and if I'm being honest, you're not really 100% supposed to like Wonwoo at first. He's shady and he enables Mingyu and he keeps secrets from everyone, especially Jeonghan who he considers his adoptive brother... but in my opinion, he really redeems himself in the end. Especially as the reader gets to know him and his past and his motivations. I mean, he has twenty years' worth of dealing with Mingyu to... well, deal with; he has all this guilt and shame and he doesn't know how to make it better, how to make it go away - so he chooses Mingyu's side now, again and again, because he feels responsible.

[“I… believe I know your leading man,” Seungcheol responded softly and the gentlest of smiles touched his lips. It was so nauseatingly romantic that even Wonwoo's heart squeezed. “At least, I used to know him. When we were children.”

“What a small world,” Wonwoo said around the lump sprouting in his throat. Not from what he was certain was a love story to rival even the greatest of tragedies, but from dread. Bitter and almost choking, he forced himself swallow back against it. So Jeonghan and the Vicomte were childhood friends, then. Perhaps more, if the gleam in Seungcheol's eyes was anything to go off of.

A gleam that disappeared the moment he looked at Wonwoo. “Indeed.” He turned his attention back to the owners and that smile returned. It made him look his young age. Like a boy, simply, in love. “I was actually wondering where I could find him. So I could congratulate him.”]

I think one of the saddest parts of this AU is the fact that Wonwoo could've tried earlier to put a stop to what he figured was going to happen. Now, that's not to say that he should be to blame (god knows he does enough of that himself); on the contrary, I don't blame him at all and he wouldn't let himself believe Mingyu would go to the lengths that Wonwoo knew him capable of... but I think, once again, it shows so much of Wonwoo's character and the heavy, heavy guilt weighing him down. Deep down, he knows that any relationship between Jeonghan and Seungcheol would result in A Lot of Bad Shit but he cares so much for the Mingyu he once knew that he ignores those warnings. hhh it's just so sad I love this Wonwoo so much :(((

[“He doesn’t need you two to accompany him everywhere,” he huffed, watching as Seungcheol all but skipped down the halls, apologizing profusely when he accidentally bumped into some dancers. “Let him woo Jeonghan in peace.”

Seokmin looked at him with a raised brow. “He’s not - “

“Of course he is, Monsieur Lee. You didn’t see the way he looked at him during the show.”

Nor had they seen the masked man watching Jeonghan, too, from the opposite box; as if Jeonghan was every breath he took, every star in the sky.

Soonyoung grinned wide, eyes almost completely closing, nose scrunching. “That’s actually sort of sweet. Childhood sweethearts reuniting after who knows how long. All because a backdrop fell on top of Seungkwan.”

Wonwoo almost laughed aloud at the irony.]

I think it's also important to remember that not only is Wonwoo struggling with the grief and guilt and trauma he feels but he's also sort of kind of in love with Mingyu too. He denies it, or tries to, especially because he doesn't want to feel jealous of Jeonghan, doesn't want to resent him... but I think a little part of him does. It's a part of himself he, of course, hates, but I think it's also one of the reasons why he chooses to ignore the warning signs at first. A mindset like "well, Jeonghan wanted to be with him, didn't he?" but it's cruel and unfair to think like that and he knows it. Knows Jeonghan didn't ask to be held so high and so tightly by this man who can't see that the way he feels is wrong. And in his heart, Wonwoo loves Jeonghan. Adores him. Most of all, he understands him and the way he feels for Mingyu. If anyone does, it's him, and we see that plenty later on. Seungcheol tries to understand but it scares him and makes him a bit jealous, but Wonwoo... Wonwoo gets it.

Wow okay obviously I could go on and on about cfiadw Wonwoo (and I know I will later on) but he's my favorite character for a reason. He's so complex and it's been challenging in the best way to write him. I'm thrilled to keep reading later on!!

Current Mood: contemplative

"catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
chapter two, part two

currently listening to: "criminal" - taemin
fic word count: 110,939

I always have to comment on my music choices because music means more to me than anything, even writing, and it influences me... well, more than anything. "Criminal" was my first Korean comeback with Taemin (first ever, technically, was "Famous") and as soon as I heard it, a few chapters into cfiadw, I knew it suited this AU so well. Especially when Taemin himself said it was about Stockholm syndrome, essentially. "You soothe me just to torture me again"... if that isn't Christine/Phantom and Jeonghan/Mingyu in this AU. And "Criminal" is one of many Taemin songs on this playlist, tbh. The way it should be.

So far I've added 900 words during this revision; at this rate, that'll be like 6k more I'll add.... omg we'll see how it goes, I guess!! Exciting~!

We're on the second scene in chapter two and, arguably, the most important one. As I mentioned in the previous entry, this chapter was one of the most difficult to write and I imagine I'll have a lot to fix about this scene, so here we goooo!

[What a night. He couldn’t wait for later, doubtless when his angel would come to him and they could celebrate together. He’d even sent Jeonghan his own rose, a single red one with a black ribbon tied in a bow near the center of the stem. Somehow it was by far the most beautiful flower in the room and Jeonghan twirled it in his fingers, thorns pressing gently against his skin. Perhaps his angel would finally show himself tonight. Not just his voice, not just his touch, but him. Jeonghan smiled at the thought, a different sort of thrill beginning to pulse through his veins now, quickening his heart. So easily. Jeonghan hoped he was proud of him; they’d spent so long rehearsing every line, every choreographed move in the silent darkness of the cellars and finally the part was his.

The thought made him stop, voice trailing off into nothingness as his mind swirled. During their other lessons, long before Tristan and Isolde was decided upon, his angel generally stuck to random pieces of music for him to learn and rehearse. Songs and arias from different operas and composers, designed, Jeonghan had no doubts, to teach him, as the angel had promised he would so long ago. But Tristan and Isolde had been the first time they focused on an entire role at once. Not only had Jeonghan sung the aria until he could do it in sleep, but the angel helped him understand the character of Isolde. When they weren't singing (and how lovely that had been, listening to his angel's sweet voice night after night, singing lovers' words to him...), they talked. If Jeonghan didn't know any better he would've thought the angel himself had written the opera, every note, every word, with how poetic he was about it and the characters.

But why? Why had it mattered so much? Why had they spent so long focusing on a role that was only bestowed upon Jeonghan because its true owner had... had had enough of the accidents befalling him?

It left a strange feeling in his gut, as if he'd eaten a meal he couldn't swallow, and Jeonghan sighed. He wouldn’t let stray thoughts like that ruin his night, especially when they weren’t true. No, he’d gotten the part because he’d worked hard for it, he deserved it, and because Boo Seungkwan was too melodramatic for his own good sometimes. Because the damned Phantom took his fun too far sometimes.

Those were the reasons and nothing else. Besides, how would his angel have even done something like that? It was an absurd thought, really, and -]

lmao Jeonghan... dw it'll make sense real soon, I promise...

no but like can we talk about that for a second? In the POTO fandom, there's such divide when it comes to the Phantom and his relationship with Christine. You have those who are like "oh he's such a tragic character, such a victim, he just wants someone to love him" and yeah, I'll give you that but... but the man threatens and hurts and kills other people for his "love". bro. anyway lmao I can talk forever about how much most iterations of Phantom make me mad heh. it's why I like the 25th Anniversary performance so much. Ramin Karimloo really made his Phantom so unhinged and toxic and it just.... makes me happy lmao.

[Sweet Chan stood there, clutching a small bouquet of roses with a shy grin and red cheeks that matched the flowers in his hand.

Jeonghan smiled back, trying not to let his disappointment show. Besides, he and his angel would have time together tonight and Jeonghan actually wanted to talk with Chan. Wanted to share in his achievement with someone who loved him. “Hi Channie,” he said, reaching up to tuck some hair behind his ears.

The younger boy grinned wider and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. “Hi Han!” he chirped, and then he thrust the bouquet out towards Jeonghan. “These are for you, from me and Wonwoo.”

Heart melting, Jeonghan set his master’s rose down and took the new ones, immediately bringing them to his nose; their sweet scent filled his nostrils and he smiled wide. He knew how much this would’ve cost the two of them, how much this meant to them, so he set the flowers down and stood up to draw Chan into a tight hug. “Thank you so much, Channie. Is Wonwoo around too? Can I thank him?”]

cfiadw Chan is my favorite.... he's precious.

[Chan smirked, reaching out to play with one of the stray flowers littering the table Jeonghan sat at. His fingers skimmed the black ribbon on the rose the angel gave him, eyes sharpening for just a moment. Or perhaps it was a trick of the light, a stray flicker from a candle, and Jeonghan's imagination. “He looked enamored with you, Han. Do you really know him from your childhood?”]

I mean ofc Chan knows something's up... no one sneaks down to the bowels of the opera house in the middle of the night Every Night just to "sing". come on Jeonghan...

[This time Jeonghan really couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face at the memories that came to mind. Sitting beside Seungcheol while they worked on their studies, singing quietly because he knew Seungcheol liked his voice. Shirking their responsibilities to play in the first snow of every winter and almost dying of frostbite. Dragging their families to the opera whenever they could, playing in the foyer between bunched-up dresses and sleek black shoes, Seungcheol giggling as he introduced Jeonghan as the most famous tenor in France. At ten years old. And how Jeonghan had loved it, had loved him.

“I do," he said to Chan now, voice soft and thick with memories. "I’ve known him since I was born and we just… we were best friends from the start. Honestly, I can’t believe he’s the new patron. It’s like fate, I suppose."

“You should talk to him,” Chan said, the epitome of subtlety as he winked. “Reconnect.”

“I doubt he remembers me.” It was like an instinct, to deflect and refuse. He couldn’t handle the rejection, not when seeing him up in his box tonight had been like looking straight into the sun. Blinding and warm all at once. “Besides, I-I’m certain he’s busy with… whatever it is vicomtes do.”]

have I said how much I adore this Jeongcheol?

[“You know,” Chan said around a sigh, brown eyes glancing all around the room, “you’ve been talking about this tutor for years and I’ve never even met him. What’s his name, at least?”

Jeonghan frowned, despite himself, and eyed Chan curiously. "Why?"

He snorted a brief laugh. "Can't I simply be curious? I suppose, though, after filling in for Jaehyun's role the last couple of days... well, I might want to pursue something more than just dancing in the chorus someday. Jihoon thinks I could do so much more, if I just had the training, and - well, obviously your tutor is a miracle worker - "

Jeonghan giggled, shocked out of his thoughts by the lovingly teasing insult, and he reached out to give Chan a playful shove. "Leave it to you to wound me on my debut night."

"Congratulations on that, by the way." As his smile softened, Chan perched himself on the edge of the vanity and sighed lightly. "I'm certain Wonwoo and I can't afford your tutor but I'm hopeful, being your closest friend and all... well, that a discount might be in order. So who is he? I'll reach out to him - "

Jeonghan hesitated, remembering the last time he asked his angel for his name, over a year ago. How he’d refused and stayed hidden in the shadows. “I… well, I don’t actually know,” he said quietly, looking down at the flowers on the table. Immediately his eyes caught the one with the black ribbon, like he was drawn to it, and it made his stomach churn. “I’ve technically never met him either. He just sort of talks to me. I never see him but I hear his voice.” Picking up one of the roses too - one of the other ones - he pressed his fingertip against a thorn. Not hard enough to puncture the skin, but with enough pressure to distract his mind for a moment. “I know it sounds strange but - well, you remember how I told you a few years ago that my parents were musical people?”]

chan knows what's UP he loves dancing too much to actually become a singer/actor... no okay but this fic would be so interesting with Chan figuring shit out and saving Jeonghan's life, rather than Seungcheol. Of course Seungcheol would still be there as the ~love interest~ but just thinking about Chan as Jeonghan's badass best friend... it's good.

[“Sure,” Chan said softly. “Your mother was a singer, right, and your father a violinist?”

He nodded, and memories came back to him once again. How deeply his mind was rooted in the past. “Our house was always full of music, even after my mother died. If anything, there was more music then, as if Father was trying to make up for the silence her death had left. And then… and then he fell ill too. Before he passed, he told me that he would send me an angel of music from heaven. That the angel would stay with me, guide me, love me the way my parents had. That with him, I wouldn’t be alone. And then I came back here, as Father had willed, and this voice called to me.”]

Sometimes I forget that I wrote Jeonghan's past like this; an only child, his parents dying from cholera when he was ten. I think it attributes so much to his character, and as he notes, he's so rooted in the past. Of course he is; when he lost his family, he lost everything else. His wealth, his home, his future, the love of his life. hhhhhhhh jeonghan..........

[The other boy was quiet for a few moments, no doubt trying to make sense of Jeonghan's words. He couldn't blame him; they truly were absurd if he stopped and gave it any thought. Angels don't appear to incidental mortals. But what else was Jeonghan supposed to think? Especially at such a young age. “Is that why you were down there last night? He was coaching you?”

“He was. We’ve been going over Seungkwan’s part for months now. He-he was adamant that I should memorize it.” A wry grin crossed Jeonghan’s lips. “I suppose it’s a good thing he thought so.”

“Hmm. And you believe this voice to be an angel, sent by your father?”

Hearing the disbelief in Chan’s voice, Jeonghan finally met his gaze. The younger boy looked at him with nothing but concern in his warm brown eyes and Jeonghan sighed. “Who else could he be?”

“I just… I worry about you, Han,” he whispered, placing his hand over Jeonghan’s, the one playing with the rose still. “You’re not sleeping lately.”

“I… he’s strict,” Jeonghan muttered, looking away again, knowing how weak his explanation sounded. Knowing that he must’ve sounded foolish. But who was he to disobey an angel?]

chan: "tell me this guy's name so i can go kick his ass."
jeonghan: "he's an angel, chan."
chan: "even better."

[A gentle knock on the door interrupted them (thank God) and it opened, revealing a man in a fancy black suit, no doubt expensive; raven curls styled off his forehead in a way that tugged familiarly at Jeonghan's heart; a rather large bouquet of flowers in hand; and a bright smile Jeonghan knew all too well.

It was like looking into the sun.

“Cheollie,” Jeonghan whispered, warmth spreading through his body.

Choi Seungcheol’s smile widened, if at all possible, and his deep dark eyes shone in the candlelight. “Jeonghan, I...”]

HHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Trying to distract himself from the way his face continued to heat up, Jeonghan reached for the new set of flowers and brought them up to sniff them, too. He definitely loved the sweet scent of roses, he decided. And then he met Seungcheol’s gaze once more, holding the flowers to his nose still so he wouldn't have to fight the smile on his lips. “I never thought I would see you again,” he whispered.

Seungcheol sighed, his handsome face falling as he looked away. How much he had changed in ten years; he'd grown into his nose and ears and hands and feet, for one, looking as princely as his father and brother had - or, as Jeonghan remembered them. Stubble peppered his jaw and chin and Jeonghan longed to reach out and touch, to rememorize a face and a mind he once knew so well. “I know," Seungcheol whispered, "and I’m sorry. I-I should’ve… fought for my parents to adopt you or find someone to adopt you or - something. I’ve always felt awful and - and to know that you've been here, all along?" He sighed again, turning back to find Jeonghan's gaze. "You must’ve been so alone. I'm - I'm so sorry, Jeonghan."

Dark thoughts threatened his composure and Jeonghan shrugged them away. Not tonight. “I survived, didn’t I?”

“You did indeed.” With another soft smile he said, “Come to dinner with me, Hannie. It’s been so long and we ought to catch up. I want to hear everything about your life here.”]

god just KISS already

[“Well, I could wait till after you spent time with him,” Seungcheol said softly, reaching out to place his hand on Jeonghan’s. His hand was warm and familiar, thumb stroking over Jeonghan’s skin. Comforting, patient, as he always had been. So much more than Jeonghan deserved. “I just really want to see you, Hannie.”

“And I want to see you too, Cheol.” He liked the way Seungcheol looked at him, like he hung the moon and stars in the sky, and he leaned in closer without even thinking about it. He felt drawn to Seungcheol, like he might disappear if Jeonghan didn't keep him close. Like he had before. “It’s been far too long.”

“It has, hasn’t it?” His eyes searched Jeonghan’s face and another smile touched his lips. But it was softer, more mature. A smile Jeonghan could easily fall in love with, if he let himself. “God, you’ve really grown up, Jeonghan. So handsome.”

Jeonghan blushed once more - would he ever stop? - and met Seungcheol’s gaze with a smile of his own. “So have you.”

Seungcheol gave his knuckles one last stroke of his thumb before standing up again. “Don’t take too long with your tutor, Hannie. I’ll be down with my horses, waiting.” And after one final smile, he was gone, taking so much of Jeonghan with him, the door closing behind him with a soft click.]

(alexis rose voice) GOD-UH. no but cfiadw Seungcheol is so goddamn charming how does Jeonghan deal with it...

okay but now that he's gone.......... well we all know what's coming heh

[Jeonghan was left in silence, amidst a sea of flowers, candlelight growing lower, wondering just how today had managed to happen. He’d made his starring debut and reunited with his oldest friend all in one day. In a matter of hours, in fact. It'd been a good day to say the least, but it wasn't over yet. He looked to the shadows, excitement once again thrumming through his veins, warming him from the inside out. Like a fever. And it was making him delirious.

His angel’s voice always put him on edge, like the best sort of alcohol. The sort that could make one tipsy after a few sips. The sort that makes one feel like they're walking on air. And he couldn’t wait. Couldn’t wait to hear him, to feel his presence. Perhaps even see him. God, and he’d be so proud of Jeonghan wouldn’t he? Even after their argument earlier. How could he possibly let that stand between them when Jeonghan finally made his debut after so long, after so much work and coaching and longing. And he wanted his angel’s praise, craved it. It would feel wonderful.

He glanced at the mirror again, leaning back in his chair as he caught the dark gaze of his own reflection staring back at him. Attentive eyes. Rigid back. Restless fingers once again finding purchase on that single rose, wrapped in black. And then he closed his eyes and sat in silence. Listening.

Footsteps echoing. Maybe outside the hall. Soft chatter. Gentle singing. And then the hairs on the back of Jeonghan’s neck stood up.]

simp.

[“Jeonghan.”

A shiver ran through his body at the deep timbre of his angel’s voice, and he smiled, all the breath leaving his lungs. “You’re here. I knew you’d come.”

“Of course I did. I wouldn’t miss your debut for the world, Jeonghan.”

He grinned, unable to stop it. “Did I do well?”

“You were dazzling. Absolutely riveting. I could not take my eyes off of you.”

“You’re - you don’t mean that,” he whispered, blood singing, wanting to hear more. Wanting to spend the rest of the night listening to his angel’s praise.

“I do.” When he spoke next his voice was hardened, jolting Jeonghan out of his fantasy. “And it seems the Vicomte is rather taken with you as well.”

Jeonghan’s breath caught in his throat. How had he seen that? How did he know? He spluttered, trying to find words, trying to ignore the fact that, once more, he would be at the receiving end of his angel’s ire. The last place he wanted to be. Especially tonight. “I - I’m sorry, angel, forgive me. I didn’t - I - he’s only a friend, nothing more. I swear it.”

After so many moments of anger, Jeonghan knew just how to apologize now.

“Is that right?”

“Yes, master, I swear.”]

I'll admit, the Phantom's entrance in this scene is one of my favorite parts of the musical. Of course it is. The harsh, almost discordant piano, the strength in his voice ["Insolent boy! / This slave of fashion / Basking in your glory / This brave young suitor / Sharing in my triumph!"]... bro how could you Not love it. Like damn Christine I get it. He's sexy and intense lmao. But hhhhh this was one of those passages when I was like "how the Fuck do i write that". Of course it doesn't compare but.... I tried lmao.

[His angel was silent for a few moments, and Jeonghan spent those moments praying he hadn’t angered him away again. Not tonight, he begged in his thoughts, hoping, for once, that the angel could read them. And then: “He’s a fool, Jeonghan." It was spoken bitterly, in a way that made Jeonghan's spine tinge. What was he trying to say? "He thinks he can just come to you and preen and fawn over you simply because you’ve debuted? After ten years of not seeing you, when you've been in the same city?"

The words sounded wrong, foreign. Like an entirely different language. They had trouble settling in Jeonghan’s brain and he frowned. “What - what do you mean?”

“He only wants you for your status now, Jeonghan. He only wants you for your voice, for your beauty. Why else would he have come to you tonight?”

He’s right, a small voice spoke up at the back of his mind. Seungcheol could have indeed spent the last decade trying to find him, and how difficult would it have been? Jeonghan hadn't even left the country; he'd simply moved closer to the city center. Not a world away.

Jeonghan shook his head, trying to brush the thoughts back where they'd come. He remembered how he and Seungcheol would spend almost every waking moment together as children. How Seungcheol looked at him tonight. How proud he seemed. How... how could the angel's words be true? “He’s my friend,” he said quietly, though he wasn’t certain exactly who he was trying to convince.

“Is he?” After a moment, his voice softened again and it made Jeonghan shiver. “You trust me, don’t you? Would I ever lie to you? Hurt you?”

“No,” Jeonghan whispered automatically, knowing that to be true. He could grow angry at a shift in the wind, but he'd never hurt Jeonghan. Ever. “I trust you, master.”

“Good.”]

hahahahaaaaaaaa..... we love some good old fashioned manipulation, don't we? hhhhh mingyu i am SO sorry i made you the villain but you'd have to admit... you'd play it so well bro okay

[“Angel?” he asked quietly.

“Jeonghan,” he rumbled and Jeonghan’s heart began to pound because he knew, somehow, his angel was on the other side of that mirror. “You will understand why I kept myself hidden from you for so long. I only hope you will not reject me once you see me - “

“I could never,” Jeonghan responded in a single breath, and he believed it to be true. Whatever lay on the other side of that mirror he knew he would not be able to resist. “Please, master. Let me see you.”

In all the years he’d been living at the opera house he had never heard of a secret door in the main dressing room, hidden behind the mirror, and he certainly had never heard of a secret passageway behind said door. But there he stood, watching as the door swung inwards, revealing a tall, broad man in an impeccable suit and -

A white mask, that hid half of his face.

Jeonghan was paralyzed as he took in the sight before him, as he took in the man - could he even be considered that? - before him. Now this, this creature, he’d heard of before. How could he not, when he’d been terrorizing the opera house for longer than Jeonghan had been there? How could he not, when he was all anyone could talk about? From the accidents this - this spirit had caused - ghostly voices - the deaths...

And then suddenly everything began making sense. Why he hid himself from Jeonghan all those years, why he’d been so insistent on rehearsing Tristan and Isolde every night, why the backdrop had fallen on Seungkwan opening day, after a slew of other "accidents" during rehearsals, and so much more that Jeonghan couldn’t even remember at that moment. But it all made sense.

“It’s you,” he whispered, looking up to meet dark eyes - one framed in white. “The phantom.”

He - the phantom! - nodded, a somber look on his partially-masked face.

God he was so much more… human than Jeonghan would have thought. All the stories the stagehands told made him sound like some gruesome, faceless monster but in reality he wasn’t. Well Jeonghan couldn’t speak for what was hidden underneath the mask but as for what he could see… “You’re - not actually a ghost, are you?” He knew it was a silly question, one that was easily answered with a simple look, but he couldn’t help it. The phantom haunting the opera was nothing more than a man.

A man Jeonghan had spent almost a decade’s worth of nights following into the shadows.

A man Jeonghan thought to be an angel sent from heaven.

A man Jeonghan trusted more than he knew he should.]

i mean we all saw it coming a mile away but -

anyway Jeonghan you should probably run away now, for your sake......

[“Hardly,” the phantom said, in that sinfully smooth voice Jeonghan had come to love. He never thought he would get to hear that voice in anything but a disembodied whisper. It made his skin tingle. “But that is decidedly an easier story to fabricate than the truth.” He reached out a long arm, gloved hand outstretched, face set in a way that Jeonghan couldn’t read. “Take my hand, Jeonghan. I won’t hurt you, remember? It’s still me, and you know me.”

Hearing the sound of his name ignited something inside Jeonghan and he bit his lip, glancing down at the gloved hand before him. This was his angel, after all. How long had they spent together? How long had Jeonghan known him? He had been this - this phantom the entire time, hadn’t he? And he hadn’t hurt Jeonghan. No, he wouldn’t hurt him, Jeonghan knew. “I trust you,” he whispered again. Breathing in, Jeonghan took his hand.

Even through the fabric encasing it, he could feel the warmth of his skin. It was dangerous, as if Jeonghan were grabbing hold of flames.

But he wanted to be burned.

The phantom smiled. “Come with me.” And his gloved thumb stroked over Jeonghan’s knuckles. It was a familiar gesture, just not from him, and something in the back of Jeonghan’s mind tried to piece it together.

A warning.

But Jeonghan did not heed it. No, because for reasons he could not explain – even to this day – he would follow wherever this man led him.

Even to his own undoing.]

OOF. Yeah I mean that's pretty much what ends up happening....

Well on that note....

I actually really liked this chapter, a lot more than I remember. I think, after having edited it like a million times, I've finally been able to capture the Yearning Jeongcheol feel for each other (but I'm sure if I revisit this in a few months I'll revise it even more lmao) when they meet again. I intend to keep returning to the regret they'd both feel, realizing how close they could've been for all these years, and no doubt it'll add to all the angst and contention in this fic lmao.

Next up is chapter three, aka smut. Since I wrote it more than a year ago, I'm not uhh exactly thrilled to reread it heh but it needs to be done... right?

As always, if you made it this far, thank you, you're amazing!! See you all next time.

Current Mood: determined

"catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
chapter two, part one

currently listening to: "intro: boy meets evil" - bts
fic word count: 110,611

Intro: Boy Meets Evil is the second song in cfiadw's main playlist and one of my favorite songs ever (let's not talk about the internalized homophobia in the lyrics lmao; that's a dreamwidth for another day). Once again, I think it suits this AU so well. Especially this chapter because... well.... :)

The chapter title, "the devil's hand", comes from this song as well ["This love is another name for the devil / Don't hold their hand"]!

Early on, this chapter was difficult to adapt. For those who know the musical/movie, it starts out with the "Think of Me" sequence, in which Christine makes her debut at the opera house's gala and Raoul realizes that he knows her from their childhood. Then it follows the "Angel of Music/Little Lotte/The Mirror" parts (some of my favorite songs in the entire musical btw), which are very dialogue heavy, so to speak... idk I just found it hard to rewrite. I think it was the ending scene, specifically; when Jeonghan realizes his Angel of Music is the Phantom of the Opera and that the Phantom is a Real Live Man.... without the rousing score I feel like it doesn't hit the same lmao. But more on that later!

[When Seungcheol arrived that night, the opera house was already bustling with attendees, dressed in their best. They poured out of carriages, the finest wealth Paris had to offer, and he squeezed between bodies to make his way to the theater. He was here alone, as his brother, sister, and parents didn’t care much for the arts, but that suited him just fine; he had a box all to himself, with a perfect view of the stage, so he could just sit back and enjoy the show. Their loss, really; he never understood why they refused to support the arts. Perhaps Seungcheol was biased but... he'd always loved the opera. Loved listening to the beautiful orchestral pieces written, the exquisite notes echoing throughout the theater. He would admit, though, that his opinion of the opera was enhanced with memories. Sitting next to a little blond boy in this very same box more than ten years ago, after dragging their families here. Watching his companion's sweet face rather than the performers, because witnessing the things Yoon Jeonghan loved most in the world was always Seungcheol's favorite pastime.]

bitch disGUSting..... no pls Seungcheol is so so so so SO in love with Jeonghan already, still, always.... hhh. Just thinking about ten year old them, before Jeonghan's parents got sick, attending the opera. The little stars in Jeonghan's eyes because he's always wanted this, always wanted to be a singer and a performer. Owie.

[Jeonghan was the love of his life, at ten years old - but it hadn't been enough to keep him where Seungcheol wouldn't lose him.]

We're like 100 words into chapter two.... bro.... when i say that this is my favorite Jeongcheol, I Mean It. The yearning, the purity in their love..........

[He would have loved being here, Seungcheol knew. Sitting beside him in the box their family shared years ago, watching the opera playing out before their eyes. Losing himself in music, in the story, in the thought of performing. If he wasn't down there himself, getting ready to take the stage. He'd spent some time dancing here, before his parents passed, Seungcheol remembered. Perhaps it wouldn't be so mad to think that he was still here, that he'd been taken in. But a part of Seungcheol didn't want him to be here, as awful as it sounded; to know that Jeonghan had been here for ten years, so close that Seungcheol had no idea?]

No but that thought came to me while rereading this; I think a part of Seungcheol would be so mad when he finds out that Jeonghan has been in Paris all along. Not mad at him, of course not, but mad at the forces that be. The forces that kept them apart. All that time lost, when they could've been together...... maybe then Jeonghan wouldn't have needed to find solace in Mingyu's "angelic" arms..... :)))))

[Heaving another sigh, he decided to push Jeonghan from his mind as best as he could; it wouldn't do him any good, and tonight was supposed to be happy. But as excited as he was for this performance, for this opening night, he couldn’t help the worry that tugged at him. He was spending his family’s money on this - his first independent venture, after months of his older siblings insisting he wasn't ready - God, and if anything went wrong… even the smallest thing...

Seungcheol shifted in his seat. Nothing was going to go wrong.

(Of course, his mind chose that moment to remind him of everything that had gone wrong here in the last few years, most of it contained to the previous six months. Accidents, ghosts, injured dancers, backdrops falling on lead tenors - said lead tenors walking out hours before opening night on one of the most intense, technically difficult shows the opera troupe had ever undertaken - )]

Not to quote another of my favorite musicals but "just you wait".

[He looked at the man, at the intricately designed mask on his face. It covered only one side, leaving Seungcheol to wonder if he was so far removed from people his own age that he had no idea what passed for fashion anymore. Except that, as far as he could tell, no one else had a mask like that. And the man did seem young, even from a distance. Perhaps a little older than Seungcheol himself. His suit was nice enough, dark hair slicked back off his forehead, and that mask. He had to be rich, but Seungcheol didn’t recognize him. Perhaps he was new money, didn't quite know what to do with it -]

Seungcheol you're so goddamn rich - thinking this guy is like "oh here i have all this money let me spend it on a half-face mask to wear to the opera" BRO god Seungcheol is so young and precious hhh i love him

[The stranger scowled and did not look away, and Seungcheol decided that he needed to talk to Soonyoung and Seokmin about this. At least to ask who this man was and why he felt the need to glare at him like this.]

lmao Karen Seungcheol

[“...unfortunately our star, the incomparable Boo Seungkwan, fell ill this morning,” Soonyoung was saying onstage with a gentle smile, lying directly to the audience, oh wonderful, “so his role will be filled by a newcomer by the name of Yoon Jeonghan.”

Yoon Jeonghan, Seungcheol thought over the loud, albeit hesitant, applause, heart sinking as it simultaneously fluttered. That'd been him earlier, then.

Walking - rather, running - into the theater that morning Seungcheol had been inexplicably drawn to the blond chorus boy keeping to the edges of the company’s crowd. Something about him had tugged at Seungcheol’s heart. The way his golden hair fell along his collarbones was heartbreakingly familiar; the way his bow-shaped lips curled around an embarrassed smile, the way his ears tinged red, and every one of his delicate features told Seungcheol that somehow, someway, they knew each other. He’d been too busy thinking to make the connection when Wonwoo had referred to him as “Mister Yoon” but now, watching him take his place onstage, Soonyoung and Seokmin long since gone, Seungcheol was certain that was indeed his childhood best friend.

So he'd been here all along.

He let out a breath as the curtains opened, Soonyoung and Seokmin long since gone, to reveal the first scene. A ship, it seemed, and no one else shared the stage as the overture began, its melancholy notes quite immediately tugging at Seungcheol's heartstrings.

Or perhaps that was just the realization that Jeonghan was here. He was going to be on that stage soon. After ten years of aching, wanting to know where he'd gone, where he'd been taken -

Would he even remember Seungcheol, if he saw him?

The last time Seungcheol saw him was ten years before, singing a somber hymn at his own father’s funeral. Ten years old and he’d had the voice of an angel back then, no matter how much it had shaken. And now he was here, at the opera house he so loved as a child, making his debut. Pride surged through Seungcheol’s body, victorious over the waves of hurt and regret that threatened, watching as his best - only - childhood friend took the stage. He remembered helping Jeonghan put on shows for their parents years ago, in Seungcheol’s family’s home, Jeonghan dissolving into a fit of giggles every time Seungcheol would join him in dancing, caterwauling off-key. Though, he probably wouldn't laugh if Seungcheol did that now. Not that Seungcheol would dare ruin his debut in such a way. No, that would mean leaving his box and he was simply too entranced by Jeonghan to even consider that. Everything about him was beautiful, ethereal; every note he breathed, every whisper of fabric from his elaborate costume - as elaborate as the costumes his favorite childhood idols wore onstage -

Now the stage was his, like he’d always wanted, and Seungcheol grinned to himself. Twenty years old, and Jeonghan still had the voice of an angel.

And, he'd be remiss not to notice, the beauty of one as well.

Seungcheol let his eyes wander a bit, taking in Jeonghan’s still-long blonde hair and the way it curled around his handsome face. When they were younger and his locks reached past his shoulder blades Jeonghan had begged Seungcheol whenever he saw him to “please braid my hair Cheollie!” Seungcheol had experience from his older sister and Jeonghan would sit patiently, sometimes chastising Seungcheol when he pulled too hard. And afterwards Seungcheol would be rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and the brightest smile. God, Jeonghan had definitely grown into a beautiful young man and Seungcheol’s heart squeezed as he watched him perform.

Ten years. Ten years. Would Jeonghan even remember him?]

"Can it be? Can it be Christine? / Brava, brava! / Long ago, it seems so long ago / How young and innocent we were / She may not remember me / But I remember her."

anyway Seungcheol is so love with Jeonghan already like Dude.... we get it.... but also if I were seeing Mansae-era Jeonghan in his Fallin' Flower outfit.... yeah dude I'd be in love too so

[With a sigh he glanced out at the audience (were they as bewitched as he was?) - and something caught his eye. The angry stranger from before, the one in box five, was watching Jeonghan with rapt attention. His lips moved in time with Jeonghan’s and it didn’t take much for Seungcheol to realize that he was singing along. Hmm. Apparently the man quite loved opera. Except that, according to what Seungcheol knew about it, this production had never once been seen outside of Germany.

Who was that man?

And why was he watching Jeonghan so closely?

And why did that bother Seungcheol?]

heh :)))))

Okay with that, I think I'll be taking a break - adult duties call, unfortunately - but as always I hhhh really fucking love doing this and I love this fic and I hope you all are enjoying this too! See you later with part two of chapter two! <3

Current Mood: cheerful

"catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
chapter one, part two

currently listening to: "overture" - andrew lloyd webber
fic word count: 110,276

technically the overture would be playing during this scene if this was the musical lmao and anyway i just really fucking love the organ in it omfg and the violins hhhh

For part two of chapter one, oof let's just dive right in! We left off on Chan accidentally cockblocking Jeonghan during his secret early morning meeting with his "angel", with the promise of a full day ahead of our boys...

[The spring air nipped at Soonyoung’s face as he stepped from the carriage, the only part of him that was cold because the rest of him was bundled up in his warmest clothing.]

Ahh Soonyoung. I tried my best to keep to his irl personality as much as I could, but he did indeed get cast as the "grumpy" manager in this so...

[It stood tall and proud in the morning light, a marvelous beauty, really; the sun glinted off the bronze and gold statues that adorned the exterior and posed monumentally above the two men.]

If I remember correctly, I don't think I give the opera house a particular name in this fic; in the novel and in the movie, I believe, it's the Palais Garnier. Leroux simply used the name and location of the opera house he knew best, the one he heard was haunted with ghosts and accidents. Since in my fic the opera house is being torn down in the "present" day, I chose not to have it be the Palais Garnier, though of course it is based off of it. I mean, look how beautiful it is!

hhhh how I would Love to visit Paris and the Palais Garnier but alas........ no moneys :( anyway that's not the point back to the ficccc

[A new voice, a deeper one, replied and Soonyoung turned to see a tall, thin man in a black coat make his way over to them. The loose threads on his ragged sleeves and the way he carried himself sort of jolted Soonyoung out of the majesty around them. As did the man's smile; it didn’t reach his eyes, and seemed to haunt his angular face.]

Wonwoo........... WONWOO. My favorite character in this entire fic. The last time I wrote him he [redacted] and so to come back here, to be reminded of how sad and tormented he was at the start, how he'd been like that for years and years... ow :(((

I mean just look at him.... with that curly hair and his glasses and just thinking about how sad and haunted he is, everything he goes through, everything he does... :(((

[He looked to the stage and saw a portion of the company gathered around a costumed man who looked, to Soonyoung's untrained eyes, like he might pass out if he continued singing like that. But it seemed to suit him; mouth open wide, he broke through Wonwoo's words with a strong voice, as if he were made for the stage that held him. Most of the other faces Soonyoung saw mirrored what he imagined his own looked like: thinly veiled surprise. But the man continued on, commanding the attention of everyone around him, even those who were supposed to be acting, too.]

You know, I was really worried posting this fic with this iteration of Seungkwan. It felt too close to the "diva Boo" portrayals we, rightfully, shunned - which is one reason why I decided to develop his character past the one-dimensional Carlotta that Lloyd Webber wrote. Since I've grown up, Carlotta has become one of my favorite characters and I always feel so fucking bad for her in the end [I'll never forgive Joel Schumacher for that scene of her holding Piangi, rip] - which is another reason why I decided to let Seungkwan become an actual real character in this fic.

[“You and the rest of Paris, it seems,” Wonwoo said. “But we have a plethora of singers. The young man in costume over there - “ he motioned to a slender man laying on the stage before Seungkwan, watching him with amused eyes; one of the others who, Soonyoung assumed, was supposed to be acting - “is Hong Jisoo, and he generally plays opposite Seungkwan. Gives him a run for his money if you ask me.”

“He’s handsome,” Seokmin said quietly, as if he did not want to be heard, and Soonyoung merely snorted to himself because of course.]

SEOKSOO. Wow you can tell I wrote this when I was still a baby carat (I believe this was either January or February 2020, which means I'd only been a carat for about two or three months) but hey, I do still love Seoksoo. I just don't think they go very far in this fic heh

(found a tense switch and i wanna DIE how long has that been there)

[The three of them made their way towards the stage, and Seungkwan’s singing grew even louder. His strong, stable voice carried through the theater as he hit notes Soonyoung didn’t think existed. Standing still as he crooned, Jisoo leaning against his legs with closed eyes as if in death... Soonyoung didn't understand a word he sang but he felt them. Bolstered by the emotions playing out across Seungkwan's face, practically co-stars themselves, he was transfixed. Behind Seungkwan's beautiful voice the orchestra sounded, seemingly following every intonation Seungkwan made with their own sorrowful trilling. It was, apparently, just what Soonyoung needed to lift his spirits and suddenly he truly could not wait for tonight. No wonder this was touted as the best opera house in the country, and perhaps even Europe.

It left, for the briefest of moments, an uneasy feeling in the back of Soonyoung's head, tugging at his mind like an insistent child until he acknowledged it.

With performers this incredible, why was the previous owner so desperate to sell and run away?]

Most of this scene had to be rewritten to match the ending of Tristan und Isolde but I liked this passage the most! Also thank god for Youtube; I found a recording from a 1983 performance and holy shit.... I've yet to watch the entire thing because it's literally 4 hours long but what I've seen is so goddamn beautiful. The score, the libretto, the story... hhhhh

[“These are our new owners, Lee Seokmin and Kwon Soonyoung. They made their fortune down in Marseille in the junk business - “

“Scrap metal,” Soonyoung bit out. He definitely was not a fan of this Wonwoo thus far.]

Can you tell what my favorite part of the movie is heh

[“Can we get back to rehearsal?” came a voice from behind them. "Need I remind you that this is a four hour production and we quite literally had two minutes left?"

Soonyoung turned and frowned at the scowling conductor. He was at least half a foot shorter than Soonyoung, but his voice was strong. It commanded attention, as all eyes turned to him, and Soonyoung fought back a smile at the sight of this angry little man. “You are?”]

omg Soonhoon.... goddamn it I love Jihoon.... just wants to finish the damn 4 hour opera stfu wonwoo

[A faraway door slammed open, followed by the sound of rapid footsteps and then heavy breathing - and a man appeared at one of the entrances to the theater. He ran fingers through curly raven hair hanging in his eyes as he rushed toward the stage, and through the dark, fancy clothes and the drawings Soonyoung had seen of him, he was able to quickly place the young man.

“Apologies, messieurs!” Vicomte Choi Seungcheol huffed out as he came to stand with everyone else.]

seungcheol :(((( this is also one of my favorite parts of the movie (honestly any part with Raoul is, I blame Patrick Wilson omfg) which isn't in the musical; I do love though how charming Raoul is in this scene and I wanted Seungcheol to capture that, too. He is, after all, the purposeful epitome of youthfulness and good looks and light and all of that gay stuff. Also just thinking about Jeonghan in this scene... seeing Seungcheol, knowing exactly who he is, debating between running and hiding or making himself known to the lost love of his goddamn life. wow.

[Sweat gathered at his temples and he gave a bright smile that showed off his teeth and gums, and Soonyoung could hear the collective swooning that went up through the company. But Soonyoung wasn't as impressed; charming young men with a lot of money tended to do more harm than good. Soonyoung should know; he used to be one of those. But, he had to admit, something about Choi Seungcheol was different. Perhaps it was the way he looked around with wide, curious eyes, as if he'd never been this close to the stage before. It made Soonyoung want to forgive him of his crimes, and he did, silently. He was pouring his own (rather, his father's) money into the opera house too, after all.]

yeah I love Vicomte Seungcheol, it's a good look on him.

[Beside him the Vicomte waited patiently, albeit with a strange look on his face. He stared at Jeonghan as if he knew him and was trying to place him; thick brows furrowed atop wide, curious eyes.]

ha ha yeah these two know each other omg I'm so subtle -

[“Monsieur, these things happen,” he said quietly, seeking Seungkwan out with a gentle gaze. “Technical difficulties and all that.”

“‘These things happen’?” Seungkwan repeated, an air of incredulity to his tone. “These things - “ He whirled on Wonwoo again, jabbing a righteous finger in his face that Wonwoo simply stared at, as if he'd seen it before. “These things have been happening for years and no one has ever done anything to stop them! Not you, not any of the managers, and it’s always happening to me!”

“Seungkwan please,” Wonwoo tried, but he was cut off.

“No!" He folded his arms across his chest. "I won’t do it! Until you stop ‘these things’ from happening, I won’t be singing!” With a look at Soonyoung and Seokmin, a look that shoved Soonyoung’s heart down to the soles of his feet, Seungkwan cried, “Enjoy your opening night without your lead, managers!”

And with that he stormed offstage.]

that's right, Seungkwan, you tell them. You're not crazy; Mingyu is kinda lowkey highkey trying to kill you for real so - at the very least, injure you.

[“Yoon Jeonghan could sing Seungkwan’s part,” Wonwoo responded casually, like it was a simple fact of life everyone should know. Like Yoon Jeonghan was more than a chorus boy, a dancer. Like Yoon Jeonghan had the same star power as Boo Seungkwan.

Yoon Jeonghan looked up with wide eyes full of stars and wonder, ears turning pink again. All gazes were on him now, all hopes hinging on him and damn it, Soonyoung hoped the kid could at least carry a tune if he was their only option now. “I - wh - um, I-I could try?”]

Jeonghan babie.

[And perhaps it was his imagination - no it was definitely his imagination - but Soonyoung swore he felt someone standing behind him. But when he turned no one was there.]

Cut to Mingyu dropping to the floor out of sight. Just kidding, he's up in the rafters wishing he could go down and hug Jeonghan too, along with everyone else......

Hhh okay and with that!! Chapter one is done!!!

I remember writing this one for the first time, how excited I was to start this so passionate of passion projects. And look how far it's come since January 2020; over 100,000 more words, almost completely finished, 6.5k hits on Ao3, and the beginnings of a novel version in the works... yeah, it's safe to say this is my favorite fic of mine. Ever. I'm proud of every inch of it, truth be told, and am so thrilled to continue revising it. I hope you're all enjoying reading about it!

Chapter two coming soon!

Current Mood: productive

"catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
chapter one, part one

currently listening to: "the 7th sense" by nct u

fic word count: 110,103

For this fic, I have three playlists I switch between: the main kpop playlist, the emo rock music playlist, and the dark classical playlist. I always make at least one playlist for my major fics and I am endlessly proud of the main one for cfiadw; most of my favorite dark kpop songs in one place (so much taemin hhhh)... The first of these songs is "The 7th Sense" by NCT U, which I think captures the vibes of this first chapter, especially this first scene, so well. Dark, sultry, perhaps a bit understated. The action hasn't started yet and you know something bad is going to happen eventually... but you're drawn into this relationship right off the bat, this relationship that is Obviously not healthy...

The title of this chapter ["open the doors to hell"] comes from the VIXX song "Voodoo Doll". An appropriate chapter title and an appropriate song for this AU...

As it starts out, our characters are varying ages. Seungcheol and Jeonghan are twenty (aged up from Christine's seventeen ick), Mingyu is in his late twenties, Wonwoo is thirty-two I believe... and the Jeonghan and Seungcheol I picture are so near and dear to my heart...

and then ofc stupid handsome Mingyu....

Like I said, this is the best AU I've ever done if only for these three reasons lmao.

Let's get started!

[“Jeonghan.”

The voice was hypnotic, drawing him from the depths of his deep sleep with two simple syllables. Like instinct.

“Jeonghan.”

He opened his eyes and was greeted by darkness. Everything else started coming into focus, then; the soft snores and deep breathing of the others asleep in the room; the slightly moldy, certainly dank smell that always permeated the dancers’ dormitory; the cold night air seeping through his thin blanket, even with Chan pressed to his side. He needed to talk to Wonwoo or someone about that; autumn would be there before they knew it and the nights would be even colder and -

“Jeonghan.”

He knew that voice, oh he knew that voice so well.]

Let's not talk about the fact that Mingyu creeps on Jeonghan when he sleeps lmao. Anyway... I'm surprised how much my writing and my knowledge of it has changed in a year and a half. These revisions are Long overdue.

[He knew that voice, oh he knew that voice so well. Coming to him in the middle of the night, when no one else was awake; when it was just them in the world, them and their little secret. Jeonghan held his breath, pushing himself up onto his elbows, and waited. He searched the room for anything out of the ordinary; shadowy figures watching over him. But he saw nothing, nothing to convince him that what he was hearing was reality and not simply a dream.

Closing his eyes again, wishing to stay in this ~~dream~~ fantasy as long as he could, Jeonghan replied, “Yes, master?”]

Jeonghan... do us all a favor and go back to bed pls.

[Down he went, down into the depths of the opera house.]

"down once more to the dungeons of my black despair!" - oh wait that comes later. much, much later.

[Down he went, down into the depths of the opera house. They were hardly secret or forbidden but, as long as Jeonghan had been here, no one dared ever traverse them. The legends of what they held - a brooding ghost they all called the Phantom - were no doubt enough to keep everyone away. Which meant it was blissfully empty down here every time Jeonghan came with his angel of music. Even the ghost that terrorized rehearsals and stole trinkets and sheet music was never anywhere to be found when it was just Jeonghan and the angel; perhaps the Phantom was scared of him. Frightened away by the light this angel stood for.]

Same energy as "you've never seen me and Batman in the same room together"

[But with emptiness came darkness; Jeonghan could not see a thing. It was not unnerving, however, not like it was at first, all those years ago. He knew his angel was here somewhere, watching him, and he closed his eyes.]

Just a reminder that they've been doing this for like nine years......

[“What shall I sing tonight?” he asked of the shadows.

And the shadows replied, “The aria from the last several weeks, from Tristan and Isolde."]

Changed it from "Hannibal" which was the opera used in the musical. I read that Leroux's sister was an opera singer, or something like that, and as such he had a deep understanding of opera and used different ones as symbolism in the original novel. So, taking a page from that, I chose Wagner's Tristan und Isolde as the opening performance. When it opened in 1865 it was touted as highly sexual and quite the incoherent mess, just like Phantom's Don Juan Triumphant, whereas others immediately fell in love with it and the music and its story. I thought its sensuality fitting, as this is the opera performance that gives us Jeonghan's debut, and knowing what I know of the opera, Jeonghan would fit a masculine/male version of Isolde so well.

Her character is very similar to Jeonghan's as well as that of Christine's in the musical/novel. Considered to be "redeeming" for Tristan's doomed romantic figure, that stuck out to me, as Christine was expected to redeem the Phantom in the end of the musical. What a demanding, exhausting role for a woman to be forced into. Which is also something I try to touch on later on in the fic; it's not up to Jeonghan to redeem the Phantom, that's his own choice, his own actions. All of this to say, Tristan und Isolde being used here is, of course, symbolic.

[The longer he spoke - the longer his tutor let him speak - the weaker his voice became until it was all but a whisper, lost in the ghostly echoes around them. The angel never liked being second-guessed, never liked Jeonghan arguing with him (if such a simple query could be considered arguing, but in Jeonghan’s experience it often was). Jeonghan took another deep breath as he waited for the wrath that would surely come.

“How many times have I told you,” the voice started slowly, softly - too soft and it sent pangs of fear straight to Jeonghan’s heart, “to never question me, Jeonghan?”]

Hey Jeonghan uh just so you know........... this isn't healthy bro........ okay but for fans of the musical I hope my interpretations are coming across; it's been kinda difficult reworking the lyrics into prose.

["Continue, Jeonghan. Sing for me."]

Of course I can't help throwing in obvious references like this one heh.

["I wish I could sing this instead of Seungkwan," he whispered, echoing his thoughts, in a moment of weakness. He could picture the audience before him and their adoring eyes. God, he wanted it. "He's been the lead in everything for years. When will I get my chance?"

He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth and he immediately clammed up, as if he'd been scolded. Seungkwan had worked hard to get where he was, and to be lead tenor for as long as he had when he was only a few years older than Jeonghan... well, he deserved the parts bestowed upon him. And he performed this one so beautifully. As he always did.]

I really like this part. I think it shows a lot of Jeonghan's character and his relationship with Mingyu in this fic; at his heart, he's incredibly kind and friendly and warm but... he wants more, he always has. He went from being a wealthy only child to a destitute orphan by the time he was ten years old, and he learned to stop wanting. But now he has Mingyu, who believes in him, who wants to "help" him - who teaches him how to want again, in more ways than one. It's, perhaps, too much, and maybe not the way Jeonghan wants it to be, though.

[Thoughts raced through Jeonghan's mind faster than he could catch them, but he didn't dare open his eyes. Though, decidedly, not a single one of them was about Boo Seungkwan. Why would they be, when his angel was close enough to touch? Jeonghan could sense it, as if he were attuned to everything he was, every celestial piece of him. "Angel," he whispered, "if I open my eyes, will you be here?"]

Not to toot my own horn, as I always do, but I really like this part, especially the addition. I think it's really important to remember that Jeonghan has feelings for the angel he believes Mingyu to be, and once Mingyu reveals himself to be something different, something much different... well, everything kinda falls apart after that. Of course, Seungcheol proves to be far more angelic than Mingyu but that's symbolic comparison for another entry.......

[A shudder ripped through Jeonghan's body when he felt hot, strong hands on his hips, burning through the thick material of his coat. Any thoughts in his head stuttered and ceased, dissolved in the warmth suddenly surrounding him. “Angel,” he whispered, trying to make sense of the sensations pulsing through his body. Surely a heavenly being such as the one standing behind him, holding him tightly, should not be making him feel this way, like he couldn’t breathe, but he’d known for years that this was no ordinary angel. The sadness that had clung to his voice when they met so long ago, in the chapel in the basement of the opera house, seemed out of place, even to Jeonghan's ten year old mind. Of course, he didn't know much about angels or Heaven back then... just that the one that called to him sounded just as alone as Jeonghan had been.

"Sometimes heaven is not kind to those who are different,” he'd said, nothing more than a disembodied voice in the shadows of the stone chapel. In that moment, Jeonghan knew he was different than the angels he'd read about in church.

And part of Jeonghan liked that about him, a part of himself he did not like indulging.

A part of him only his angel brought out.

“Jeonghan?”

A third voice. It was further away, higher-pitched, and just as familiar. Chan.]

lmao I forgot about Chan cockblocking thank you Lee Chan, doing god's work.

[A few moments later in the darkness of the dorm, Chan snuggling against his side, Jeonghan couldn’t find sleep. His thoughts were haunted too much that he couldn't grasp any of it; it all slipped through his fingers like dust. So he settled for staring up at the ceiling and listening to the snores around him.]

I really do love this first scene; poor sweet naïve Jeonghan... it's okay bby Seungcheol will be there soon and then you'll feel better I promise.

I must take a break now but honestly part two will probably come later! I'm feeling like I'm on a roll heh

Current Mood: accomplished

"catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
prologue

before we start i'd like to welcome you to my brand new dreamwidth!! while i get used to how it works and the fact that i have a form of typing more than 240 characters at once at my disposal, i'll be focusing, for now, on these revision commentaries as i work my way through my fics! i hope you're even just a smidge as excited as i am!

the plan is, for your sakes and my own, to only include passages from the fic in question that i edited or have something to say about; some of these monster chapters are like 9k apiece and i don't plan on making you guys sort through my own commentary and then a million more words you've probably read before heh. but if in future commentaries you guys want me to put in the entire chapter please let me know, especially if maybe you've yet to read the fic and just wanna check out my commentaries and want context! i'm still deciding how i want to format this as a whole but! bolded portions will denote an edit/change that's been made!!

tw: as always, this fic deals in depth with themes of abuse (emotional/psychological, minor physical, implied sexual), manipulation, gaslighting, etc., and the resulting trauma. as such, i'll be discussing such themes in my commentary, especially as the fic reaches its climax. so if that in any way is triggering for you, i would highly suggest not reading. or, at the very least, please be careful.

let's go let's goooo!

currently playing: "reminiscence" by olafur arnalds & alice sara ott
fic word count: 110,021

I'm editing this fic the way I began writing it; sitting alone in the dark, keyboard lit only by the brightness of my screen and the flickering of the candles on the windowsill (spiced apple scents, because it might be 90 degrees still but fall is here!). My classical music playlist is on, partly so I can focus without words in my head - partly to settle into the vibe and ~aesthetic~ "catching fire in a devil's whisper" has. Before I even start reading, I remember how utterly thrilled I was to begin writing this story. Technically the third Seventeen fic I ever started, it came, as many of you know, after SVT's appearance at the 2020 Golden Disk Awards. At one point each of them wore a gorgeous masquerade mask and fancy suits, and my sister immediately decided someone (me) needed to write a Phantom of the Opera AU.

I, a fan of the musical ever since I saw the movie years and years ago (and then the musical itself in Las Vegas lmao), of course jumped at the chance and we threw the movie on to plan.

From the start, we knew we wanted to "update" it, so to speak, for a more modern way of thinking. Casting choices were decided before the overture was finished; deciding the Big Three was the easiest. Mingyu as Phantom might seem Really Weird and Perhaps A Bit Shocking but my reasoning for "casting" for AUs is simply that: it's a role they're playing in this story. Like a movie. My sister and I cast Mingyu as Phantom as an homage to the ehhh decent portrayal of Phantom that we grew up with; Mingyu is tall and devastatingly handsome the way Gerard Butler was in 2004 and, as an actor, could do it well, we like to think (ofc you all know i am DYING to see seokmin play the role on stage hhhhh). Plus, the Gyuhan dynamic is just.......... Really Really Good. So then with Mingyu as Phantom and Jeonghan as Christine it was Obvious to us that Seungcheol would be Raoul and from there, the rest of it fell into place. Chan as Meg; Wonwoo as half Madame Giry, half oc; Seungkwan as the incomparable Carlotta (who deserves So Much better), Seokmin and Soonyoung as Firmin and Andre was, I think, the pinnacle of our cast (what I would Pay to see BooSeokSoon perform "Prima Donna"...).... I mean, I adore this musical and each of its characters so to imagine my favorite people as them....

Ever since then, "catching fire in a devil's whisper" has been my most favorite fic of mine. My favorite to write, to plan, to edit, to think about....

[The title is an adaption of lyrics from a song by Mino (i honestly forget which one!).]

[Jeonghan is alone when he wakes up.]

One reason I love this fic so much is because of how anxious and scared Jeonghan is in it, which sounds AWFUL but let me explain; as someone who struggles with anxiety I found it so easy to write in his panic attacks, his moments of dread, and they honestly helped me, in some way, come to terms with my own. Always trying to better my writing, when I noticed I was feeling panicky I'd stop and think "hey, how am I feeling right now? How would I describe this?" and the panic would lessen.

[And besides, the sensations cease as soon as Jeonghan sits up and listens for the soft sounds of a fountain pen scratching on paper down the hall and then a smile will touch his face. Every time. And this morning is no exception. He sits against the headboard, blankets pooling around his thighs, and just listens. He can picture Seungcheol at his desk, the window in front of it wide open to let in as much light as possible. Curly hair falling into his eyes the way it did when he was twenty years old - and he'll stop writing every few minutes to brush it back with a light huff. A glass of water beside him, increasingly untouched the more he writes, the deeper into his work he gets. From here, the sound of his pen is gentle, comforting - everything about Seungcheol is comforting, Jeonghan has come to learn - and it helps the panic. He focuses on it until his breathing returns to normal, until his heart stops echoing through his body. He focuses on it until he feels ready to begin his day.]

At the risk of sounding vain, this has to be one of my favorite iterations of fic Jeongcheol ever. They go through so much - best childhood friends who are then separated by forces beyond them; to be reunited a decade later, at the tender age of twenty, and realize they're falling in love only to have that be threatened, once again, by something that wants to tear them apart so badly. They are full of love and grief and nostalgia for each other, for friends, for family, even, to some degree, for enemies - and just thinking about them spending the rest of their lives together.... hey okay, I really love this jc so much.

[Jeonghan sighs once more and heads down the hall to his husband’s study without so much as fixing his hair or changing out of his bedclothes. There would be no point in doing so, he decided long ago; Seungcheol has seen him at his lowest point and still adores him. Where he might have doubted such love years before, Jeonghan is older now, wiser now; too much has happened to prove to him that he can trust Seungcheol with the deepest, even worst, parts of himself. And he takes these little moments of trust where he can, moments he once thought he would never have with anyone. He enters the study, looking the epitome of sleep, and greets Seungcheol with a kiss to his scarred cheek, rubs his knotted shoulders until he sets down his pen.]

At this point in his life, twenty years since everything happened, Jeonghan is still dealing with the trauma forced upon him. It was something I always wanted to see the musical/movie touch on, but all we ever get to see of any aftermath is Raoul at the opera house auction forty or fifty years later, Christine simply a beloved memory... but it's obvious in his first words, spoken to the papier mache monkey thing the Phantom had {"a collector's piece indeed / every detail exactly as she said... / will you still play when all the rest of us are dead?"} that what happened in that single year (or less, depending on which timeline you subscribe to) had such a profound effect on him... I always wondered how Christine dealt with it as she grew older. Of course, my fic is darker and the character of the Phantom is less redeemable (which shouldn't be possible but hey, Phantom was written and composed in the '80s lmao...), which means more trauma...

[Every day of his life, Jeonghan is in awe of Seungcheol and his handsomeness. How he still looks so young after all these years, even with age clinging to his face and hair and body the way it is. Wrinkles gracing the edges of his eyelids, gray hairs peppered amongst the blackest black, fatigue where there didn't used to be... That youthful spark he carried in his eyes decades ago remains, and it renders Jeonghan speechless for a moment, stroking his cheek as he simply looks at him. Not for the first time in his life - and he knows it won't be the last - the thought crosses Jeonghan's mind that he is lucky to have Seungcheol at his side.]

Throughout the fic, we are reminded of how much, how deeply, how foolishly at times, Seungcheol loves Jeonghan. Ignoring very real threats from a very real man, surviving several attacks with physical and emotional scars, and ultimately scheming for said very real man's downfall to save his love - down to the moment he begs Jeonghan to let him die if it means Jeonghan will be free. Seungcheol is the epitome of unconditional, young, and heroic love in this role, so much so that I feel sometimes Jeonghan's equally as sweet, as pure love gets a bit lost in the mix. However, we see it clearly here in this soft morning and that's why this prologue is so important to me. Jeonghan loves Seungcheol just as much as Seungcheol loves him. He always has.

[“Love,” he whispers, reaching for Jeonghan with hands that do not tremble, that have never trembled. No, they’ve always held Jeonghan so close, so steady. Even in his darkest moments. So he trusts them now, just like he did back then, and entwines his fingers with his husband’s. “They’re tearing down the opera house this week.”]

The amount of love and trust between these two... hhhh they're so romantic.

[So with a heavy breath and words that sound more courageous than he feels, he murmurs, “You’re right. I’m - I’m tired of it all. I just… I hope it works. I want to feel like myself again.”]

I could spend thousands of words discussing the way Jeonghan's trauma has changed who he is as a person in this fic. But it would break my heart to do so.

["I'm ready," he whispers."]

yes you Are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and so are we....

I always find controversial writer things amusing, but the never-ending feud of "prologue vs no prologue" gets me Going. Some argue that they're unnecessary and convoluted - but I've never thought so, and I don't think so with this fic. Telling this story as a story - that is to say, as Jeonghan's thoughts, as Seungcheol's thoughts, as Wonwoo's and even Junhui's, as they remember what happened during that year - always felt so natural to me. It's also an homage to the novel, published in 1909, which was written as an investigative report "told" presently to the reader. Because of all of this, I'll love this prologue forever, I think.

I don't have many thoughts as I reach the end of it, but the few I do have mirror Jeonghan's words: I'm ready. Chapter one, shall we?

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: "reminiscence" by olafur arnalds & alice sara ott

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