cfiadw [ch. 2] [2/2]

[snowspring]

 "catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
chapter two, part two

currently listening to: "criminal" - taemin
fic word count: 110,939

I always have to comment on my music choices because music means more to me than anything, even writing, and it influences me... well, more than anything.  "Criminal" was my first Korean comeback with Taemin (first ever, technically, was "Famous") and as soon as I heard it, a few chapters into cfiadw, I knew it suited this AU so well.  Especially when Taemin himself said it was about Stockholm syndrome, essentially.  "You soothe me just to torture me again"... if that isn't Christine/Phantom and Jeonghan/Mingyu in this AU.  And "Criminal" is one of many Taemin songs on this playlist, tbh.  The way it should be.

So far I've added 900 words during this revision; at this rate, that'll be like 6k more I'll add.... omg we'll see how it goes, I guess!!  Exciting~!

We're on the second scene in chapter two and, arguably, the most important one.  As I mentioned in the previous entry, this chapter was one of the most difficult to write and I imagine I'll have a lot to fix about this scene, so here we goooo!

[What a night.  He couldn’t wait for later, doubtless when his angel would come to him and they could celebrate together.  He’d even sent Jeonghan his own rose, a single red one with a black ribbon tied in a bow near the center of the stem.  Somehow it was by far the most beautiful flower in the room and Jeonghan twirled it in his fingers, thorns pressing gently against his skin.  Perhaps his angel would finally show himself tonight.  Not just his voice, not just his touch, but him.  Jeonghan smiled at the thought, a different sort of thrill beginning to pulse through his veins now, quickening his heart.  So easily.  Jeonghan hoped he was proud of him; they’d spent so long rehearsing every line, every choreographed move in the silent darkness of the cellars and finally the part was his.

The thought made him stop, voice trailing off into nothingness as his mind swirled.  During their other lessons, long before Tristan and Isolde was decided upon, his angel generally stuck to random pieces of music for him to learn and rehearse.  Songs and arias from different operas and composers, designed, Jeonghan had no doubts, to teach him, as the angel had promised he would so long ago.  But Tristan and Isolde had been the first time they focused on an entire role at once.  Not only had Jeonghan sung the aria until he could do it in sleep, but the angel helped him understand the character of Isolde.  When they weren't singing (and how lovely that had been, listening to his angel's sweet voice night after night, singing lovers' words to him...), they talked.  If Jeonghan didn't know any better he would've thought the angel himself had written the opera, every note, every word, with how poetic he was about it and the characters.

But why?  Why had it mattered so much?  Why had they spent so long focusing on a role that was only bestowed upon Jeonghan because its true owner had... had had enough of the accidents befalling him?

It left a strange feeling in his gut, as if he'd eaten a meal he couldn't swallow, and Jeonghan sighed.  He wouldn’t let stray thoughts like that ruin his night, especially when they weren’t true.  No, he’d gotten the part because he’d worked hard for it, he deserved it, and because Boo Seungkwan was too melodramatic for his own good sometimes.  Because the damned Phantom took his fun too far sometimes.

Those were the reasons and nothing else.  Besides, how would his angel have even done something like that?  It was an absurd thought, really, and -]

lmao Jeonghan... dw it'll make sense real soon, I promise...

no but like can we talk about that for a second?  In the POTO fandom, there's such divide when it comes to the Phantom and his relationship with Christine.  You have those who are like "oh he's such a tragic character, such a victim, he just wants someone to love him" and yeah, I'll give you that but... but the man threatens and hurts and kills other people for his "love".  bro.  anyway lmao I can talk forever about how much most iterations of Phantom make me mad heh.  it's why I like the 25th Anniversary performance so much.  Ramin Karimloo really made his Phantom so unhinged and toxic and it just.... makes me happy lmao.

[Sweet Chan stood there, clutching a small bouquet of roses with a shy grin and red cheeks that matched the flowers in his hand.

Jeonghan smiled back, trying not to let his disappointment show.  Besides, he and his angel would have time together tonight and Jeonghan actually wanted to talk with Chan.  Wanted to share in his achievement with someone who loved him.  “Hi Channie,” he said, reaching up to tuck some hair behind his ears.

The younger boy grinned wider and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.  “Hi Han!” he chirped, and then he thrust the bouquet out towards Jeonghan.  “These are for you, from me and Wonwoo.”

Heart melting, Jeonghan set his master’s rose down and took the new ones, immediately bringing them to his nose; their sweet scent filled his nostrils and he smiled wide.  He knew how much this would’ve cost the two of them, how much this meant to them, so he set the flowers down and stood up to draw Chan into a tight hug.  “Thank you so much, Channie.  Is Wonwoo around too?  Can I thank him?”]

cfiadw Chan is my favorite.... he's precious.

[Chan smirked, reaching out to play with one of the stray flowers littering the table Jeonghan sat at.  His fingers skimmed the black ribbon on the rose the angel gave him, eyes sharpening for just a moment.  Or perhaps it was a trick of the light, a stray flicker from a candle, and Jeonghan's imagination.  “He looked enamored with you, Han.  Do you really know him from your childhood?”]

I mean ofc Chan knows something's up... no one sneaks down to the bowels of the opera house in the middle of the night Every Night just to "sing".  come on Jeonghan...

[This time Jeonghan really couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face at the memories that came to mind.  Sitting beside Seungcheol while they worked on their studies, singing quietly because he knew Seungcheol liked his voice.  Shirking their responsibilities to play in the first snow of every winter and almost dying of frostbite.  Dragging their families to the opera whenever they could, playing in the foyer between bunched-up dresses and sleek black shoes, Seungcheol giggling as he introduced Jeonghan as the most famous tenor in France.  At ten years old.  And how Jeonghan had loved it, had loved him.

“I do," he said to Chan now, voice soft and thick with memories.  "I’ve known him since I was born and we just… we were best friends from the start.  Honestly, I can’t believe he’s the new patron.  It’s like fate, I suppose."

“You should talk to him,” Chan said, the epitome of subtlety as he winked.  “Reconnect.”

“I doubt he remembers me.”  It was like an instinct, to deflect and refuse.  He couldn’t handle the rejection, not when seeing him up in his box tonight had been like looking straight into the sun.  Blinding and warm all at once.  “Besides, I-I’m certain he’s busy with… whatever it is vicomtes do.”]

have I said how much I adore this Jeongcheol?

[“You know,” Chan said around a sigh, brown eyes glancing all around the room, “you’ve been talking about this tutor for years and I’ve never even met him.  What’s his name, at least?”

Jeonghan frowned, despite himself, and eyed Chan curiously.  "Why?"

He snorted a brief laugh.  "Can't I simply be curious?  I suppose, though, after filling in for Jaehyun's role the last couple of days... well, I might want to pursue something more than just dancing in the chorus someday.  Jihoon thinks I could do so much more, if I just had the training, and - well, obviously your tutor is a miracle worker - "

Jeonghan giggled, shocked out of his thoughts by the lovingly teasing insult, and he reached out to give Chan a playful shove.  "Leave it to you to wound me on my debut night."

"Congratulations on that, by the way."  As his smile softened, Chan perched himself on the edge of the vanity and sighed lightly.  "I'm certain Wonwoo and I can't afford your tutor but I'm hopeful, being your closest friend and all... well, that a discount might be in order.  So who is he?  I'll reach out to him - "

Jeonghan hesitated, remembering the last time he asked his angel for his name, over a year ago.  How he’d refused and stayed hidden in the shadows.  “I… well, I don’t actually know,” he said quietly, looking down at the flowers on the table.  Immediately his eyes caught the one with the black ribbon, like he was drawn to it, and it made his stomach churn.  “I’ve technically never met him either.  He just sort of talks to me.  I never see him but I hear his voice.”  Picking up one of the roses too - one of the other ones - he pressed his fingertip against a thorn.  Not hard enough to puncture the skin, but with enough pressure to distract his mind for a moment.  “I know it sounds strange but - well, you remember how I told you a few years ago that my parents were musical people?”]

chan knows what's UP he loves dancing too much to actually become a singer/actor... no okay but this fic would be so interesting with Chan figuring shit out and saving Jeonghan's life, rather than Seungcheol.  Of course Seungcheol would still be there as the ~love interest~ but just thinking about Chan as Jeonghan's badass best friend... it's good.

[“Sure,” Chan said softly.  “Your mother was a singer, right, and your father a violinist?”

He nodded, and memories came back to him once again.  How deeply his mind was rooted in the past.  “Our house was always full of music, even after my mother died.  If anything, there was more music then, as if Father was trying to make up for the silence her death had left.  And then… and then he fell ill too.  Before he passed, he told me that he would send me an angel of music from heaven.  That the angel would stay with me, guide me, love me the way my parents had.  That with him, I wouldn’t be alone.  And then I came back here, as Father had willed, and this voice called to me.”]

Sometimes I forget that I wrote Jeonghan's past like this; an only child, his parents dying from cholera when he was ten.  I think it attributes so much to his character, and as he notes, he's so rooted in the past.  Of course he is; when he lost his family, he lost everything else.  His wealth, his home, his future, the love of his life.  hhhhhhhh jeonghan..........

[The other boy was quiet for a few moments, no doubt trying to make sense of Jeonghan's words.  He couldn't blame him; they truly were absurd if he stopped and gave it any thought.  Angels don't appear to incidental mortals.  But what else was Jeonghan supposed to think?  Especially at such a young age.  “Is that why you were down there last night?  He was coaching you?”

“He was.  We’ve been going over Seungkwan’s part for months now.  He-he was adamant that I should memorize it.”  A wry grin crossed Jeonghan’s lips.  “I suppose it’s a good thing he thought so.”

“Hmm.  And you believe this voice to be an angel, sent by your father?”

Hearing the disbelief in Chan’s voice, Jeonghan finally met his gaze.  The younger boy looked at him with nothing but concern in his warm brown eyes and Jeonghan sighed.  “Who else could he be?”

“I just… I worry about you, Han,” he whispered, placing his hand over Jeonghan’s, the one playing with the rose still.  “You’re not sleeping lately.”

“I… he’s strict,” Jeonghan muttered, looking away again, knowing how weak his explanation sounded.  Knowing that he must’ve sounded foolish.  But who was he to disobey an angel?]

chan: "tell me this guy's name so i can go kick his ass."
jeonghan: "he's an angel, chan."
chan: "even better."

[A gentle knock on the door interrupted them (thank God) and it opened, revealing a man in a fancy black suit, no doubt expensive; raven curls styled off his forehead in a way that tugged familiarly at Jeonghan's heart; a rather large bouquet of flowers in hand; and a bright smile Jeonghan knew all too well.

It was like looking into the sun.

“Cheollie,” Jeonghan whispered, warmth spreading through his body.

Choi Seungcheol’s smile widened, if at all possible, and his deep dark eyes shone in the candlelight.  “Jeonghan, I...”]

HHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Trying to distract himself from the way his face continued to heat up, Jeonghan reached for the new set of flowers and brought them up to sniff them, too.  He definitely loved the sweet scent of roses, he decided.  And then he met Seungcheol’s gaze once more, holding the flowers to his nose still so he wouldn't have to fight the smile on his lips.  “I never thought I would see you again,” he whispered.

Seungcheol sighed, his handsome face falling as he looked away.  How much he had changed in ten years; he'd grown into his nose and ears and hands and feet, for one, looking as princely as his father and brother had - or, as Jeonghan remembered them.  Stubble peppered his jaw and chin and Jeonghan longed to reach out and touch, to rememorize a face and a mind he once knew so well.  “I know," Seungcheol whispered, "and I’m sorry.  I-I should’ve… fought for my parents to adopt you or find someone to adopt you or - something.  I’ve always felt awful and - and to know that you've been here, all along?"  He sighed again, turning back to find Jeonghan's gaze.  "You must’ve been so alone.  I'm - I'm so sorry, Jeonghan."

Dark thoughts threatened his composure and Jeonghan shrugged them away.  Not tonight.  “I survived, didn’t I?”

“You did indeed.”  With another soft smile he said, “Come to dinner with me, Hannie.  It’s been so long and we ought to catch up.  I want to hear everything about your life here.”]

god just KISS already

[“Well, I could wait till after you spent time with him,” Seungcheol said softly, reaching out to place his hand on Jeonghan’s.  His hand was warm and familiar, thumb stroking over Jeonghan’s skin.  Comforting, patient, as he always had been.  So much more than Jeonghan deserved.  “I just really want to see you, Hannie.”

“And I want to see you too, Cheol.”  He liked the way Seungcheol looked at him, like he hung the moon and stars in the sky, and he leaned in closer without even thinking about it.  He felt drawn to Seungcheol, like he might disappear if Jeonghan didn't keep him close.  Like he had before.  “It’s been far too long.”

“It has, hasn’t it?”  His eyes searched Jeonghan’s face and another smile touched his lips.  But it was softer, more mature.  A smile Jeonghan could easily fall in love with, if he let himself.  “God, you’ve really grown up, Jeonghan.  So handsome.”

Jeonghan blushed once more - would he ever stop? - and met Seungcheol’s gaze with a smile of his own.  “So have you.”

Seungcheol gave his knuckles one last stroke of his thumb before standing up again.  “Don’t take too long with your tutor, Hannie.  I’ll be down with my horses, waiting.”  And after one final smile, he was gone, taking so much of Jeonghan with him, the door closing behind him with a soft click.]

(alexis rose voice) GOD-UH.  no but cfiadw Seungcheol is so goddamn charming how does Jeonghan deal with it...

okay but now that he's gone.......... well we all know what's coming heh

[Jeonghan was left in silence, amidst a sea of flowers, candlelight growing lower, wondering just how today had managed to happen.  He’d made his starring debut and reunited with his oldest friend all in one day.  In a matter of hours, in fact.  It'd been a good day to say the least, but it wasn't over yet.  He looked to the shadows, excitement once again thrumming through his veins, warming him from the inside out.  Like a fever.  And it was making him delirious.

His angel’s voice always put him on edge, like the best sort of alcohol.  The sort that could make one tipsy after a few sips.  The sort that makes one feel like they're walking on air.  And he couldn’t wait.  Couldn’t wait to hear him, to feel his presence.  Perhaps even see him.  God, and he’d be so proud of Jeonghan wouldn’t he?  Even after their argument earlier.  How could he possibly let that stand between them when Jeonghan finally made his debut after so long, after so much work and coaching and longing.  And he wanted his angel’s praise, craved it.  It would feel wonderful.

He glanced at the mirror again, leaning back in his chair as he caught the dark gaze of his own reflection staring back at him.  Attentive eyes.  Rigid back.  Restless fingers once again finding purchase on that single rose, wrapped in black.  And then he closed his eyes and sat in silence.  Listening.

Footsteps echoing.  Maybe outside the hall.  Soft chatter.  Gentle singing.  And then the hairs on the back of Jeonghan’s neck stood up.]

simp.

[“Jeonghan.”

A shiver ran through his body at the deep timbre of his angel’s voice, and he smiled, all the breath leaving his lungs.  “You’re here.  I knew you’d come.”

“Of course I did.  I wouldn’t miss your debut for the world, Jeonghan.”

He grinned, unable to stop it.  “Did I do well?”

“You were dazzling.  Absolutely riveting.  I could not take my eyes off of you.”

“You’re - you don’t mean that,” he whispered, blood singing, wanting to hear more.  Wanting to spend the rest of the night listening to his angel’s praise.

“I do.”  When he spoke next his voice was hardened, jolting Jeonghan out of his fantasy.  “And it seems the Vicomte is rather taken with you as well.”

Jeonghan’s breath caught in his throat.  How had he seen that?  How did he know?  He spluttered, trying to find words, trying to ignore the fact that, once more, he would be at the receiving end of his angel’s ire.  The last place he wanted to be.  Especially tonight.  “I - I’m sorry, angel, forgive me.  I didn’t - I - he’s only a friend, nothing more.  I swear it.”

After so many moments of anger, Jeonghan knew just how to apologize now.

“Is that right?”

“Yes, master, I swear.”]

I'll admit, the Phantom's entrance in this scene is one of my favorite parts of the musical.  Of course it is.  The harsh, almost discordant piano, the strength in his voice ["Insolent boy! / This slave of fashion / Basking in your glory / This brave young suitor / Sharing in my triumph!"]... bro how could you Not love it.  Like damn Christine I get it.  He's sexy and intense lmao.  But hhhhh this was one of those passages when I was like "how the Fuck do i write that".  Of course it doesn't compare but.... I tried lmao.

[His angel was silent for a few moments, and Jeonghan spent those moments praying he hadn’t angered him away again.  Not tonight, he begged in his thoughts, hoping, for once, that the angel could read them.  And then: “He’s a fool, Jeonghan."  It was spoken bitterly, in a way that made Jeonghan's spine tinge.  What was he trying to say?  "He thinks he can just come to you and preen and fawn over you simply because you’ve debuted?  After ten years of not seeing you, when you've been in the same city?"

The words sounded wrong, foreign.  Like an entirely different language.  They had trouble settling in Jeonghan’s brain and he frowned.  “What - what do you mean?”

“He only wants you for your status now, Jeonghan.  He only wants you for your voice, for your beauty.  Why else would he have come to you tonight?”

He’s right, a small voice spoke up at the back of his mind.  Seungcheol could have indeed spent the last decade trying to find him, and how difficult would it have been?  Jeonghan hadn't even left the country; he'd simply moved closer to the city center.  Not a world away.

Jeonghan shook his head, trying to brush the thoughts back where they'd come.  He remembered how he and Seungcheol would spend almost every waking moment together as children.  How Seungcheol looked at him tonight.  How proud he seemed.  How... how could the angel's words be true?  “He’s my friend,” he said quietly, though he wasn’t certain exactly who he was trying to convince.

“Is he?”  After a moment, his voice softened again and it made Jeonghan shiver.  “You trust me, don’t you?  Would I ever lie to you?  Hurt you?”

“No,” Jeonghan whispered automatically, knowing that to be true.  He could grow angry at a shift in the wind, but he'd never hurt Jeonghan.  Ever.  “I trust you, master.”

“Good.”]

hahahahaaaaaaaa..... we love some good old fashioned manipulation, don't we?  hhhhh mingyu i am SO sorry i made you the villain but you'd have to admit... you'd play it so well bro okay

[“Angel?” he asked quietly.

“Jeonghan,” he rumbled and Jeonghan’s heart began to pound because he knew, somehow, his angel was on the other side of that mirror.  “You will understand why I kept myself hidden from you for so long.  I only hope you will not reject me once you see me - “

“I could never,” Jeonghan responded in a single breath, and he believed it to be true.  Whatever lay on the other side of that mirror he knew he would not be able to resist.  “Please, master.  Let me see you.”

In all the years he’d been living at the opera house he had never heard of a secret door in the main dressing room, hidden behind the mirror, and he certainly had never heard of a secret passageway behind said door.  But there he stood, watching as the door swung inwards, revealing a tall, broad man in an impeccable suit and -

A white mask, that hid half of his face.

Jeonghan was paralyzed as he took in the sight before him, as he took in the man - could he even be considered that? - before him.  Now this, this creature, he’d heard of before.  How could he not, when he’d been terrorizing the opera house for longer than Jeonghan had been there?  How could he not, when he was all anyone could talk about?  From the accidents this - this spirit had caused - ghostly voices - the deaths...

And then suddenly everything began making sense.  Why he hid himself from Jeonghan all those years, why he’d been so insistent on rehearsing Tristan and Isolde every night, why the backdrop had fallen on Seungkwan opening day, after a slew of other "accidents" during rehearsals, and so much more that Jeonghan couldn’t even remember at that moment.  But it all made sense.

“It’s you,” he whispered, looking up to meet dark eyes - one framed in white.  “The phantom.”

He - the phantom! - nodded, a somber look on his partially-masked face.

God he was so much more… human than Jeonghan would have thought.  All the stories the stagehands told made him sound like some gruesome, faceless monster but in reality he wasn’t.  Well Jeonghan couldn’t speak for what was hidden underneath the mask but as for what he could see… “You’re - not actually a ghost, are you?”  He knew it was a silly question, one that was easily answered with a simple look, but he couldn’t help it.  The phantom haunting the opera was nothing more than a man.

A man Jeonghan had spent almost a decade’s worth of nights following into the shadows.

A man Jeonghan thought to be an angel sent from heaven.

A man Jeonghan trusted more than he knew he should.]

i mean we all saw it coming a mile away but -

anyway Jeonghan you should probably run away now, for your sake......

[“Hardly,” the phantom said, in that sinfully smooth voice Jeonghan had come to love.  He never thought he would get to hear that voice in anything but a disembodied whisper.  It made his skin tingle.  “But that is decidedly an easier story to fabricate than the truth.”  He reached out a long arm, gloved hand outstretched, face set in a way that Jeonghan couldn’t read.  “Take my hand, Jeonghan.  I won’t hurt you, remember?  It’s still me, and you know me.”

Hearing the sound of his name ignited something inside Jeonghan and he bit his lip, glancing down at the gloved hand before him.  This was his angel, after all.  How long had they spent together?  How long had Jeonghan known him?  He had been this - this phantom the entire time, hadn’t he?  And he hadn’t hurt Jeonghan.  No, he wouldn’t hurt him, Jeonghan knew.  “I trust you,” he whispered again.  Breathing in, Jeonghan took his hand.

Even through the fabric encasing it, he could feel the warmth of his skin.  It was dangerous, as if Jeonghan were grabbing hold of flames.

But he wanted to be burned.

The phantom smiled.  “Come with me.”  And his gloved thumb stroked over Jeonghan’s knuckles.  It was a familiar gesture, just not from him, and something in the back of Jeonghan’s mind tried to piece it together.

A warning.

But Jeonghan did not heed it.  No, because for reasons he could not explain – even to this day – he would follow wherever this man led him.

Even to his own undoing.]

OOF.  Yeah I mean that's pretty much what ends up happening....

Well on that note....

I actually really liked this chapter, a lot more than I remember.  I think, after having edited it like a million times, I've finally been able to capture the Yearning Jeongcheol feel for each other (but I'm sure if I revisit this in a few months I'll revise it even more lmao) when they meet again.  I intend to keep returning to the regret they'd both feel, realizing how close they could've been for all these years, and no doubt it'll add to all the angst and contention in this fic lmao.

Next up is chapter three, aka smut.  Since I wrote it more than a year ago, I'm not uhh exactly thrilled to reread it heh but it needs to be done... right?

As always, if you made it this far, thank you, you're amazing!!  See you all next time.