cfiadw [ch. 1] [1/2]

[snowspring]

"catching fire in a devil's whisper" revision commentary
chapter one, part one

currently listening to: "the 7th sense" by nct u

fic word count: 110,103

For this fic, I have three playlists I switch between: the main kpop playlist, the emo rock music playlist, and the dark classical playlist.  I always make at least one playlist for my major fics and I am endlessly proud of the main one for cfiadw; most of my favorite dark kpop songs in one place (so much taemin hhhh)... The first of these songs is "The 7th Sense" by NCT U, which I think captures the vibes of this first chapter, especially this first scene, so well.  Dark, sultry, perhaps a bit understated.  The action hasn't started yet and you know something bad is going to happen eventually... but you're drawn into this relationship right off the bat, this relationship that is Obviously not healthy...

The title of this chapter ["open the doors to hell"] comes from the VIXX song "Voodoo Doll".  An appropriate chapter title and an appropriate song for this AU...

As it starts out, our characters are varying ages.  Seungcheol and Jeonghan are twenty (aged up from Christine's seventeen ick), Mingyu is in his late twenties, Wonwoo is thirty-two I believe...  and the Jeonghan and Seungcheol I picture are so near and dear to my heart...

and then ofc stupid handsome Mingyu....

Like I said, this is the best AU I've ever done if only for these three reasons lmao.

Let's get started!

[“Jeonghan.”

The voice was hypnotic, drawing him from the depths of his deep sleep with two simple syllables.  Like instinct.

“Jeonghan.”

He opened his eyes and was greeted by darkness.  Everything else started coming into focus, then; the soft snores and deep breathing of the others asleep in the room; the slightly moldy, certainly dank smell that always permeated the dancers’ dormitory; the cold night air seeping through his thin blanket, even with Chan pressed to his side.  He needed to talk to Wonwoo or someone about that; autumn would be there before they knew it and the nights would be even colder and -

“Jeonghan.”

He knew that voice, oh he knew that voice so well.]

Let's not talk about the fact that Mingyu creeps on Jeonghan when he sleeps lmao.  Anyway... I'm surprised how much my writing and my knowledge of it has changed in a year and a half.  These revisions are Long overdue.

[He knew that voice, oh he knew that voice so well.  Coming to him in the middle of the night, when no one else was awake; when it was just them in the world, them and their little secret.  Jeonghan held his breath, pushing himself up onto his elbows, and waited.  He searched the room for anything out of the ordinary; shadowy figures watching over him.  But he saw nothing, nothing to convince him that what he was hearing was reality and not simply a dream.

Closing his eyes again, wishing to stay in this dream fantasy as long as he could, Jeonghan replied, “Yes, master?”]

Jeonghan... do us all a favor and go back to bed pls.

[Down he went, down into the depths of the opera house.]

"down once more to the dungeons of my black despair!" - oh wait that comes later.  much, much later.

[Down he went, down into the depths of the opera house.  They were hardly secret or forbidden but, as long as Jeonghan had been here, no one dared ever traverse them.  The legends of what they held - a brooding ghost they all called the Phantom - were no doubt enough to keep everyone away.  Which meant it was blissfully empty down here every time Jeonghan came with his angel of music.  Even the ghost that terrorized rehearsals and stole trinkets and sheet music was never anywhere to be found when it was just Jeonghan and the angel; perhaps the Phantom was scared of him.  Frightened away by the light this angel stood for.]

Same energy as "you've never seen me and Batman in the same room together"

[But with emptiness came darkness; Jeonghan could not see a thing.  It was not unnerving, however, not like it was at first, all those years ago.  He knew his angel was here somewhere, watching him, and he closed his eyes.]

Just a reminder that they've been doing this for like nine years......

[“What shall I sing tonight?” he asked of the shadows.

And the shadows replied, “The aria from the last several weeks, from Tristan and Isolde."]

Changed it from "Hannibal" which was the opera used in the musical.  I read that Leroux's sister was an opera singer, or something like that, and as such he had a deep understanding of opera and used different ones as symbolism in the original novel.  So, taking a page from that, I chose Wagner's Tristan und Isolde as the opening performance.  When it opened in 1865 it was touted as highly sexual and quite the incoherent mess, just like Phantom's Don Juan Triumphant, whereas others immediately fell in love with it and the music and its story.  I thought its sensuality fitting, as this is the opera performance that gives us Jeonghan's debut, and knowing what I know of the opera, Jeonghan would fit a masculine/male version of Isolde so well.

Her character is very similar to Jeonghan's as well as that of Christine's in the musical/novel.  Considered to be "redeeming" for Tristan's doomed romantic figure, that stuck out to me, as Christine was expected to redeem the Phantom in the end of the musical.  What a demanding, exhausting role for a woman to be forced into.  Which is also something I try to touch on later on in the fic; it's not up to Jeonghan to redeem the Phantom, that's his own choice, his own actions.  All of this to say, Tristan und Isolde being used here is, of course, symbolic.

[The longer he spoke - the longer his tutor let him speak - the weaker his voice became until it was all but a whisper, lost in the ghostly echoes around them.  The angel never liked being second-guessed, never liked Jeonghan arguing with him (if such a simple query could be considered arguing, but in Jeonghan’s experience it often was).  Jeonghan took another deep breath as he waited for the wrath that would surely come.

“How many times have I told you,” the voice started slowly, softly - too soft and it sent pangs of fear straight to Jeonghan’s heart, “to never question me, Jeonghan?”]

Hey Jeonghan uh just so you know........... this isn't healthy bro........ okay but for fans of the musical I hope my interpretations are coming across; it's been kinda difficult reworking the lyrics into prose.

["Continue, Jeonghan.  Sing for me."]

Of course I can't help throwing in obvious references like this one heh.

["I wish I could sing this instead of Seungkwan," he whispered, echoing his thoughts, in a moment of weakness.  He could picture the audience before him and their adoring eyes.  God, he wanted it.  "He's been the lead in everything for years.  When will I get my chance?"

He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth and he immediately clammed up, as if he'd been scolded.  Seungkwan had worked hard to get where he was, and to be lead tenor for as long as he had when he was only a few years older than Jeonghan... well, he deserved the parts bestowed upon him.  And he performed this one so beautifully.  As he always did.]

I really like this part.  I think it shows a lot of Jeonghan's character and his relationship with Mingyu in this fic; at his heart, he's incredibly kind and friendly and warm but... he wants more, he always has.  He went from being a wealthy only child to a destitute orphan by the time he was ten years old, and he learned to stop wanting.  But now he has Mingyu, who believes in him, who wants to "help" him - who teaches him how to want again, in more ways than one.  It's, perhaps, too much, and maybe not the way Jeonghan wants it to be, though.

[Thoughts raced through Jeonghan's mind faster than he could catch them, but he didn't dare open his eyes.  Though, decidedly, not a single one of them was about Boo Seungkwan.  Why would they be, when his angel was close enough to touch?  Jeonghan could sense it, as if he were attuned to everything he was, every celestial piece of him.  "Angel," he whispered, "if I open my eyes, will you be here?"]

Not to toot my own horn, as I always do, but I really like this part, especially the addition.  I think it's really important to remember that Jeonghan has feelings for the angel he believes Mingyu to be, and once Mingyu reveals himself to be something different, something much different... well, everything kinda falls apart after that.  Of course, Seungcheol proves to be far more angelic than Mingyu but that's symbolic comparison for another entry.......

[A shudder ripped through Jeonghan's body when he felt hot, strong hands on his hips, burning through the thick material of his coat.  Any thoughts in his head stuttered and ceased, dissolved in the warmth suddenly surrounding him.  “Angel,” he whispered, trying to make sense of the sensations pulsing through his body.  Surely a heavenly being such as the one standing behind him, holding him tightly, should not be making him feel this way, like he couldn’t breathe, but he’d known for years that this was no ordinary angel.  The sadness that had clung to his voice when they met so long ago, in the chapel in the basement of the opera house, seemed out of place, even to Jeonghan's ten year old mind.  Of course, he didn't know much about angels or Heaven back then... just that the one that called to him sounded just as alone as Jeonghan had been.

"Sometimes heaven is not kind to those who are different,” he'd said, nothing more than a disembodied voice in the shadows of the stone chapel.  In that moment, Jeonghan knew he was different than the angels he'd read about in church.

And part of Jeonghan liked that about him, a part of himself he did not like indulging.

A part of him only his angel brought out.

“Jeonghan?”

A third voice.  It was further away, higher-pitched, and just as familiar.  Chan.]

lmao I forgot about Chan cockblocking thank you Lee Chan, doing god's work.

[A few moments later in the darkness of the dorm, Chan snuggling against his side, Jeonghan couldn’t find sleep.  His thoughts were haunted too much that he couldn't grasp any of it; it all slipped through his fingers like dust.  So he settled for staring up at the ceiling and listening to the snores around him.]

I really do love this first scene; poor sweet naïve Jeonghan... it's okay bby Seungcheol will be there soon and then you'll feel better I promise.

I must take a break now but honestly part two will probably come later! I'm feeling like I'm on a roll heh